Popular Jokes
A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that's so homely looking, he hasn't had a date in over a year, also, he's sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his head to see how long he slept.
He figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde, when suddenly she
strikes up a conversation with him! Soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol. The blonde leans over to the guy and says,
"Let's have this last drink at my apartment."
Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters
the word, "Okay."
They get up from the bar s
A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they do not eat the peanuts themselves, whereupon she replies that it is not possible because of their old teeth, they are not able to chew them.
"Why do you buy them then?" he asks puzzled. The old lady answers, "We just love the chocolate around them!"
A College football team was on a winning streak, until they found out that their star QB was failing English. The QB couldn't play until he brought his grade up to a C. The other players on the team were desperate for him to play in the championship, so they asked his English professor for extra credit. He agreed and called in the QB. The professor said: "I will give you a simple spelling test and if you pass, I will raise your grade. In fact if you get one word right, I will raise the grade." So the QB takes the test and gets every single word wrong. He begged the professor for one more chance. The professor agreed and told him that if he could get one letter in the word that was given to h
Teacher: Can you pay a little attention to this lesson?!
Pupil: I am trying my best to pay as little attention as I can!!
A married couple, both 60 years old, were celebrating their 35th anniversary. During their party, a fairy appeared to congratulate them and grant them each one wish. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her wand and POOF--the wife had tickets in her hand for a world cruise.
Next, the fairy asked the husband what he wanted. He said, "I wish I had a wife 30 years younger than me." So the fairy picked up her wand and POOF -- the husband was 90.
Teacher: Joey, your behavior is terrible! How many more times am I going to have to keep you in after school?
Joey: 97.
Teacher: 97?
Joey: Yeah. That's how many days are left until the summer holidays.
Once upon a time, there was a prince who was under a terrible spell. He could only say one word per year.
Then one day, he saw a beautiful princess. He fell in love with her. He vowed to ask her hand in marriage. However, because of the spell, he had to wait for 7 whole years to propose.
On the starting of the 8th year, the prince went to the princess' castle. Knelt down in front of her and said, "I love you, will you marry me?"
The princess tossed her enchanting golden hair, straightened her crown, parted her cherry-red lovely lips and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. What did you say?"
A boy was late to school on the first day, and his new teacher asked, "What is your name young man?" The boy replied," Michael Gay." The teacher said," Why are you calling a kid gay? What is your name boy?" The boy said, "Michael Gay!" The teacher said," That's ENOUGH young man. Go to the principal's office. THIS SECOND!" The principal saw him and asked him," What is your name young man?" The boy says, " Michael Gay." The principal asks," Why are you calling a gay?" And what is your name?" The boy gets angry and says, "Michael Gay!" The principal says, "Thats it young man, you're suspended! The boy got home and his mother asked," Why are you in trouble?" The boy says, "Michael Gay." The moth
Why did the penny become angry with the nickel?
Because the nickel was a "penny pincher".
You Know You're Addicted to Caffeine When...
1.) You haven't slept since the Clinton Administration.
2.) Your next-door neighbors often call to complain about the sound of your chattering teeth.
3.) Instead of Tic Tacs, you suck on Vivarin.
4.) You plan to name your twins "Cappuccino" and "Espresso."
5.) On the way to work you get pulled over for speeding and you don't even have your car.
6.) You kill a guy for trying to switch your regular coffee to decaffeinated Folgers.
7.) You wake up in the middle of the night screaming "Pepsi! For the love of God, I need Pepsi!"
8.) When a Maxwell House commercial comes on, you actually lick the TV screen.
9.) You drink so much coffee it star
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