Popular Jokes
Little Johnny got on a bus and sat down next to a man. He noticed that the man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked him, "Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"
The man smiled kindly and answered, "I wear this collar because I am a father."
Little Johnny thought a second and responded, "Sir, I have a father, but he wears his collar the other way around. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute, and said, "I am the Father for many."
Little Johnny quickly answered, "My father, too, is the father of many. He has four sons, four daughters and many grandchildren. But he wears his collar like everyone else does. Why d
Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for John. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tuesday: John wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. What a surprise when John brought a friend home for supper.
Wednesday: A good day for rice. Recipe said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." It seemed kinda of silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday: Today John asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour b
A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were on their way to Heaven. God told them that the stairway to Heaven was 1000 steps, and that on every 5th step He would tell them a joke. He told them not to laugh at any of the jokes along the way or else they would not be able to enter Heaven. The brunette went first and started laughing on the 45th step, so she could not enter Heaven. The redhead went next and started laughing on the 200th step, so she could not enter Heaven either. Then, it was the blonde's turn. When she got to the 999th step, she started laughing. "Why are you laughing?" God asked. "I didn't tell a joke." "I know," the blonde replied. "I just got the first joke."
A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one--holding onto their "weewees" to direct the flow away from their clo
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his medical services. He was asked if he had health insurance.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "I only have a spinster sister who is a nun."
The nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Then send t
Billy Joe Bob, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings.
One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Billy Joe Bob if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object; she was willing to pay $50,000.
Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joe Bob asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with his wife.
In a few minutes, he returned and told the lady he was willing to do it. However, he would have to leave his socks on so he
A young couple decide to have sex for the first time so they go to the store to buy condoms. They find a popular brand and bring it to the register. The price on the box is $1.00 but when the cashier totals up the price it comes to $1.07. The couple asks what the extra 7 cents is for. The cashier replies back "tax." Then the young man says "I was wondering what held it on.
One day an American General, a Russian General and an Indian General were all going to England in a ship. All of them were very boastful.
AG : "I have the bravest and most courageous crew in the world. See for yourselves. Oy, you!" (he called to an American soldier) "Swim around this moving ship."
The American soldier jumped into the sea without a word, and swam around the moving ship and returned.
AG : See the guts !
RG : "Oh, that's nothing. See this. You, (he called to a Russian soldier) swim 5 rounds around this moving ship!"
The Russian soldier also jumped into the sea and swam 5 times around the moving ship and returned.
RG : "See the guts!"
IG : "Oh, that's nothing compared to
One day little Billy was walking past his mother's room when he heard strange noises. He opened thecracked the door, and looked in. He saw his mother laying naked on the bed rubbing her hands all over her body moaning "I need a man! I need a man!" A couple of days later as he walked past her room he heard the noises again so he looked into her room and saw his mother laying naked on the bed rubbing her hands all over her body moaning "I need a man! I need a man!" A few days later as he walked past her room he heard some more strange noises coming from her room, so he looked in again. This time he saw his mother laying naked on the bed with a naked man laying on top of her. So he ran to his r
A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that's so homely looking, he hasn't had a date in over a year, also, he's sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his head to see how long he slept.
He figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score a date with this ravishing buxom blonde, when suddenly she
strikes up a conversation with him! Soon they become rather chummy. It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol. The blonde leans over to the guy and says,
"Let's have this last drink at my apartment."
Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters
the word, "Okay."
They get up from the bar s
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