Popular Jokes
A rich lady from California, who was a tree hugger and a vociferous anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her private parts.
In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest country doctor. Being a hunter himself, the doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waite
The difference between the Pope and your boss....
The Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and handed it to the pharmacist.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you didn't tell me you had a prescription."
What do you get when you aim a nuclear weapon at a disobedient country?
South Korean Barbecue.
Ralph was one his way home from work on night, when to his horror, he suddenly realized that he'd completely forgotten his daughter's birthday.
He rushed to the toy store and asked the manager, "How much is the Barbie in the window?"
"Which one?" The manager replied. "We have Workout Barbie for $19.95, Malibu Barbie for $19.95, Soccer Barbie is 19.95, Cinderella Barbie $19.95, Retro '70's Barbie $19.95, and Divorced Barbie $375."
"Hold on," Ralph said. "Why is Divorced Barbie $375 when all the other Barbies are only $19.95?"
"Well," said the store manager. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture....."
True bravery is arriving home late after a boy's night out, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and still having the guts to ask: Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?
Proverb : Behind every successful man, there is a woman.
Refined by me : Behind every successful man, there is a very much surprised woman.
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