A male teenager went out to his favorite band concert "The Hearts of Heaven". They have very cool songs but their singer's life would end the very next night. The next night, they made their next concert which is in the capital of the teenager's country. It wasn't very far. He went to the concert and enjoyed the songs, but one made him a bit twitchy. It was called "Take my heart out". The song made the teenager go to the singer's house, and take his heart out. All the other band members tried to stop him but he also got their hearts. He put them in a small box. Later the police found out that one of the windows of the house was stained with blood. They went in and took a look. He saw that

how geese fly (in formation)

Take my wife – please!

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student aide, Sam found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need Sam's help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let Sam wheel him to the elevator. On the way down Sam asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She is till upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

"President Obama said in an interview over the weekend that he really misses being anonymous. He said, 'I miss Saturday mornings rolling out of bed and not shaving, going to the market...' Be careful what you wish for, 2012 is just around the corner!" –Jay Leno "President Obama announced that he will run for re-election in 2012. Unfortunately, his popularity is so low that he's running on the slogan, 'I'm Michelle Obama's husband.'" –Conan O'Brien "President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it's not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate." –Craig Ferguso

"President Obama will begin a three-state bus tour. I believe the three states are confusion, delusion, and desperation." Jay Leno. "A man jumped the White House fence, but after a brief chase, the Secret Service was able to talk President Obama into coming back and finishing his term." Conan O'Brien. "President Obama changed his slogan from 'Yes we can,' to 'Yes we cave.'" Jay Leno, on the debt deal. "Obama achieved the same kind of compromise with the Republicans that Custer reached with Sitting Bull." David Letterman, on the debt deal. "President Obama said he'd be OK being a one-term President; and with that he shoved an iPhone down his pants and pressed 'send.'" Conan O'Brien. "Pre

A gay pornstar doesn't take as many balls to the face as my 4 year old son playing soccer.

There once was a farmer who took a young miss Out back of the barn where he gave her a ... Lecture on horses and cattle and eggs And told she had the most wonderful ... Manners that suited a girl of her charms A girl that he wanted to take in his ... Washing and ironing and then if she did They could get married and raise lots of ... Sweet violets, sweeter than all the roses Covered all over from head to toe Covered all over with sweet violets The girl told the farmer that he better quit Then she called her father and he took a ... Taxi and got there before very long 'Cause someone was treating his little girl ... Right for a change and so that's why he said If you marry my daughter, you'

What does a blonde do when she wakes up? She goes home!

How many blonde jokes are there? One. The rest are all true stories.

What is the name for a bandaid on a pumpkin? A pumpkin patch!

A man was out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday night. Before too long, a cop pulled him over. The policeman walked up to the man and asked, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why? Was I weaving all over the road?" "No," replied the policeman, "you were driving splendidly. It was the really ugly girl in the passenger seat that gave you away."