Popular Jokes
- Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
- You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.
- You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
- You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
- You're still scalping tickets after the concert is over.
- You don't think Jeff's Foxworthy's jokes are funny.
- Every time you see a roadsign that says "DIP" you reach in your back pocket.
- You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a Ping-Pong table.
Why don't politicians ever consider being gynocologists?
They would have to deal with too much Bush every day!
My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die - no amount of talking could change his mind.
Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it, and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Dad!"
Grocery List; (noun)
A piece of paper you spend half an hour writing, and then forget to take with you to the store.
Q: Why do blondes smile when lightning strikes?
A: They think they're getting their photo taken.
There was a blonde that was chopping at a tree near the neighbor's house. Suddenly it fell over and hit the neighbor's house. The neighbor came out and said, "You just crashed a tree on our house!"
The blonde replied, "Well, since it's an hour house, it'll be gone in 60 minutes."
One day, a blond put an advert in the library to start a marching band. 20 other blonds saw this advert and signed up. At their first destination they played "Oh, when the saints". At their second destination they played the same song. At their third destination they played the same song yet again! When they arrived at their fourth destination a member of the crowd butted in and kicked one of the drummers.
The blond that started the group said, "Why did you do that?" The guy replied "Well, you've killed all of the people in the world because your band is rubbish but loud, so pretty much all the people are saints and they're marching into heaven, so stop playing!"
The blond replied "We wer
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Liberal Democrat.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Liberal Democrats too.
Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat is, but wanting to be like their teacher, they all raise their hands. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a liberal Democrat", Lucy replies.
Then, asks the teacher, what are you? "I'm a Conservative," replies the Lucy.
The teacher is getting slightly angry now, so she asks Lucy
why she is a Conservative.
"Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an i
When my oldest child was about three years old, we took a trip to a local fast food restaurant. I wearing my new favorite article of clothing: a pair of bright pink, elastic waist pants that I'd bought the day before. Although they were a little big on me, I instantly fell I love with them and just had to buy them. So there we were in a popular restaurant with me in my pretty pink pants and my son clinging firmly to his mommy's leg while we looked for a place to sit. It seems that grace does not run in our family, because before we were able to sit down, my son tripped and fell, taking my new pants with him! I could hear the laughter simmering as I stood there bare bottomed, with my hands fu
It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him.
The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, "Boy, are you in trouble! I'm a lawyer!"
The driver looked out his window and said, "No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge."
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