In February 1993 a train knocked down and injured an elephant calf in the Sylhet region of Bangladesh. When the next train came along an hour later the calf's mother blocked the track, then banged her forehead against the engine for 15 minutes, until it could no longer run. Then she walked off into the jungle again, leaving about 200 passengers stranded for over five hours. A man driving to work through the southern desert of Saudi Arabia ran over one of a troupe of monkeys. When he made the return trip later that day, the remaining monkeys were waiting for him. They spotted his car, jumped on it, and smashed the windows with their fists.

You might be a redneck if you constantly call the feed and seed store to see if the cat has had her kittens yet.

The GOP Congress will re-introduce drilling for oil in the Arctic. Republicans say the environmental effect is minimal; a study shows caribou do not make campaign contributions.

A lawyer in Basic Math class "What is two plus two?" "Well, first let us decide the parties. The first two is party A. Now first, where are the signatures that my client two WANTS to be added to the party B, two. I see no signatures, and therefore the two twos shan't be together until further paperwork is done. Two and two remain separate, CASE CLOSED!"

Yo momma is so fat and so pale white, when they landed on her they said "This is one small step for man, and one fat leap for mankind!"

Which animal has no teeth? A gummy bear!

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. "Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them." "Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break. When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?" "Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?"

A young man was in the process of taking a verbal exam to join the local police force. "If you're driving a police car, alone on a country road at night, and are being chased by a group of criminals driving sixty miles an hour, what would you do?" he was asked. Without hesitation, the young man replied, "Seventy!"

A blonde was walking down the road when she saw a beautiful looking lamp, so she picked it up. She rubbed it and a magic genie came out. "You may have any three objects in the world, oh mighty mistress," said the genie. The blonde replied, "I wish I had an endless glass of wine." Suddenly a big, crystal glass filled with wine appeared in the blonde's hand. She drank it and to her surprise, it filled up again! "Wow! This wine is really nice, and it can't run out!" the blonde said. "In fact, it's so good, I'll have another two of these, please, genie!"

Another Month Ends: All Targets Met, All Systems Working, All Customers Satisfied, All Staff Eager and Enthusiastic, All Pigs Fed and Ready to Fly.

Person A: Why did the chicken cross the road? Person B: Is this a trick question?

Do Chinese eat dogs? Yes. And cats. Especially on our "Thanks receiving" day. Besides, turkeys are our favorite pets. In China only the most uneducated eat turkeys. China is becoming strong. Does your government want to take over the world? Yes, absolutely. As soon as we become powerful, we will invade Iraq and Afghanistan. Why doesn't your government give Tibet back to its monks? Because the monks want to help the Seminoles take back Florida. Are the products made in China very cheap? Yes. Were we using slaves, the price would be even cheaper. Why you are the only kid in your family? Because my parents don't fuck with everybody. You have 1.4 billion people. Now what do you want to do w