Little johnny was heard praying in a loud voice a week before his birthday. "Dear God I pray that I will get a computer game for my birthday!" "Why are you shouting" asked his mother "God isn't deaf?!?!?!?!?" "I know said Johnny, but grandma is!"

During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she had solved the problem by turning off all the lights. A passenger across the aisle who had been watching me leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."

3 Hints to arguing with blondes: 1.) Use small easy to understand words. 2.) Keep your sentences short and to the point. 3.) Use, what I like to call, "Blonde logic" aka logic that only makes sense to them or on occasion other blondes.

Q.) What does a blond think a leprechaun is? A.) An elf. But she only sees it when it's near the holidays and has drunk an Irish drink. Even though her parents keep telling her they aren't real...

What did the Chinese people call their retarded son? Sum Ting Wong

Yo momma so poor, she cleans her shoes with a pencil.

Q) What is: Black White Black White Black White? A) A nun rolling down a hill.

Little Johnny's father says to him, "When you go back to your Mom's tonight, give her this envelope. Tell her that since you are now 18 this is the LAST check she'll ever see from me for child support. Then, stand back and watch the expression her face." "OK" replied Little Johnny. Later when Little Johnny got home he said to his mom, "Mom, Dad asked me to give you this envelope. He said to tell you that since I'm now 18 this is the LAST child support payment he'll ever have to make to you. Now I'm supposed to stand back and watch the expression on your face." "Next time you visit your father tell him that after 18 years I have decided to inform him that he's not your father. Then, stand

yo mommo so stupid when she was drowning, she ate a Lifesaver. Lifesaver is a candy.

Famous last words: "Ok, I'm only going to have one..." -- Said the polygamist right after marrying his first wife.

A young man from Peking and a first generation Chinese American woman get married. On the wedding night he climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring, saying, "My darling, I know this is your first time and you must be frightened." She says that is true but she will do anything he wants. The groom says "Let's start with 69." And she says, "You want broccoli with beef?"

You so ugly, you make President Bush look hot!