Polly Perkins was after a talking parrot, so she went to the local pet shop in the hope of securing such a find. She was in luck. The shop assistant assured her that the parrot would learn and repeat any word or phrase it heard. Polly was delighted. However, a week later, the parrot still hadn't spoken a word. Polly returned to the shop to complain, however, it appeared that the assistant was accurate in what he had said, and refused a refund. Why didn't the parrot talk? The parrot was deaf and as such couldn't repeat a single word it had heard!

There was once a boy born named Jeff. When Jeff was born, he only had a father, since his mother had died giving birth, and as a result, he was also an only child. His father looked at his new son, proud over his new baby's good looks and wise looking appearance. The father had high hopes for his baby. Soon, Jeff was already 4, and was sent to the local preschool. There, although the teachers said that he was a little misbehaved, still socialized a lot and made many friends. As a result, Jeff made his father proud of his son. When summer came and preschool ended, the father asked his son what he wanted as a present for making him so proud. Jeff thought a second and replied, "I want a yellow

Elsie walked into a print lab to have a photo of her deceased husband copied and retouched. She said to the technician, "I have always hated the hat that my husband is wearing in the photo. Could you please retouch the hat out?" "Of course," said the technician; "what colour hair did your husband have?" "When you take the hat off, you'll see," she said.

A boss of a computer company walked up to one of his workers. "You're fired!" exclaimed the boss. "I didn't do anything!" replied the confused worker. The boss, happy with his answer, says, "I know. That's why you're fired!"

If winners never quit, and quitters never win... Who was the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead".

Sir Lancelot was losing patience with Lady Guinevere. He had fought battles; he had jeopardized his reputation; he had ruined his friendship with King Arthur. But it was all worthwhile just to have this time with his lovely lady. They had run away for a little while, but Lancelot was growing angry because Guinevere was spending all her time on a stupid crossword puzzle. When she raised her quill to write in another word, he snapped. He couldn't take it any more. He yelled in a harsh tone, "GIVE ME THE PEN GUIN!" After that, she thought he had lost his mind, and left him.

How many exciting people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, because they are VERY excited, one of them cracks the lightbulb and another throws the screw at their neighbor's house.

Dad, have you got a ladder? Yes; why? I have to write an essay on an elephant!

USA:What's wrong world? World:(crying and sniffling) My kitty died! USA: That's unfortunate. Here's a couple hundred billion dollars my hardworking citizens paid. I was gonna spend it on education and defence and whatnot, but you need it more. World:(takes the money) Cheapass! (spits in USA's face)

You probably know for a fact that Adolf Hitler had only one testicle. And here we say ''You got to have balls to become a leader''

Q: Why is an elephant big, grey and wrinkly? A: Because if it was small, white and hard it would be an aspirin.

Knock, knock! Who's there? Sobers. Sobers who? Sau baras se khatkhata rahen hain, Ab to darwazaa kholo.