Popular Jokes
...you've ever had to have a wrecker pull your car out of a pothole in your driveway.
You might be a redneck if...
You think the Gettysburg Address is where Lincoln lived.
This account of an aircraft accident is quoted directly from the National Transportation Safety Board report, with comments added in [brackets] for clarity.
Aircraft: PIPER PA-34-200T, Registration: N47506
Injuries: 2 Fatal.
The private pilot and a pilot rated passenger [two pilots] were going to practice simulated instrument flight. Witnesses observed the airplane's right wing fail in a dive and crash. Examination of the wreckage and bodies revealed that both occupants were partially clothed and the front right seat was in the full aft reclining position. [The pilots had converted the co-pilot seat to a bed.] Neither body showed evidence of seatbelts or shoulder harnesses being worn. [The
Each day when I would come home from work I would drop to my knees and ask my 4-year-old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself, so we would spar around for a few minutes before supper.
One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was friendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home and he replied, "Yes." The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "Do you want a box?"
Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose.
After grabbing our son we had to spend the nex
"The attractive man I met last night insists he just wants to be friends," the girl told her Aunt. "Now I know what to do with a lover, but what the heck do I do with a 'friend'?"
The wise old lady smiled and said, "The same as with your lover, dearie, only not quite so often."
In the school the biology teacher asks the class a question. "Where is an elephant's sex organ?"
Little Johnny, "In his feet ma'am."
Teacher, "How come?"
"If he steps on you, you're fucked."
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
A bit later, they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."
Then they see a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity ... one of the girls must be dying'."
A few people wanted to ride a train. They brought the tickets and got on. Then they realized that the train didn't have bathrooms. One passenger had to go and he was not going to get off because the train could leave any moment.
So he stuck his butt out the window and was in the middle of his business when suddenly someone annouced,"Hey! The passenger with the big face, you can't stick your head out the window and eat a huge piece of chocolate!!!!"
Polly Perkins was after a talking parrot, so she went to the local pet shop in the hope of securing such a find. She was in luck. The shop assistant assured her that the parrot would learn and repeat any word or phrase it heard. Polly was delighted. However, a week later, the parrot still hadn't spoken a word. Polly returned to the shop to complain, however, it appeared that the assistant was accurate in what he had said, and refused a refund. Why didn't the parrot talk?
The parrot was deaf and as such couldn't repeat a single word it had heard!
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