There were three girls and a genie on a mountain. There was a redhead, a brunette and a blonde. The only one who knew how to get off the mountain was the genie, but she offered the girls a wish to turn into birds and fly off. "I want to be a blue jay so I can showoff my blue color in the sun." the redhead said to the genie. POOF! The bluejay landed off the mountain safely. "I want to be a cardinal so I can go visit my friends in St. Louis." the brunette said. POOF! The cardinal landed safely off the mountain, too. Then the blonde shouted "I want to be cuter than a bluejay and a cardinal! I want to be a penguin!"

5 boys are walking by a "haunted" house" One of the five boys said, "I bet I could go in there for more than five minutes." A couple minutes later, he comes out screaming "GHOST!" The second boy decides to try to go in for more than ten minutes. He comes out screaming after four minutes, "HE WASN'T LYING! GHOST!" The third and fourth boy go in together and try to stay in for more than an hour. They come out screaming the same thing. The last boy walks and says he can stay in there a whole day. Once he walked in, the other boys heard him say, "Hi Grandma."

Have you been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old"? Well, here is some karma for that. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 40-odd years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was WAY too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Lawton Senior High School. "Yes. Yes, I did. I'm a Wolverine." he gleame

What did the statue say to the other after a break-up and make-up? I'm sorry I took you for granite. (granted) hahahaha

Q: Why do blondes drive VWs ? A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE

Friend 1:"Yeh,you are looking too fat." Friend 2:"You are looking too old." Friend 1:"I am not old." Friend 2:"Then, I am not too fat."

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed,and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Com

What do you give a sick pig? Oinkment.

"Live in a way such that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." -- Will Rogers, Humorist

Ever wonder what all those advertising terms really mean? ---------------------------------------------------------- NEW - Different color from previous design. ALL NEW - Parts are not interchangeable with previous design. EXCLUSIVE - Imported product. UNMATCHED - Almost as good as the competition. FOOLPROOF OPERATION - No provision for adjustments. ADVANCED DESIGN - The advertising agency doesn't understand it. IT'S HERE AT LAST - Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming. FIELD TESTED - Manufacturer lacks test equipment. HIGH ACCURACY - Unit on which all parts fit. FUTURISTIC - No other reason why it looks the way it does. REDESIGNED - Previous flaws fixed - we hope. DIRECT SALES ON

* "On the advice of our solicitors, this T-shirt bears no message at this time". * "That's it! I'm calling me granny" (seen on a seven-year-old) * "Rehab is for quitters" * "My dog can lick anyone" * "Party - my cot - 2 a.m." (on a baby-size T-shirt) * "If a woman's place is in the home WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS FECKIN' CAR!" * "They call it 'PMT' cos 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken" * "A picture is worth a thousand words - but it uses up a thousand times the memory." * "HAM AND EGGS - a day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig." * "Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit." * "The trouble with life is there's no background music." * "The original point and click

You know you're ghetto when you carry food stamps in a money clip!