What did the fish say when he crashed into a wooden wall? Beaver damn!

your mom is like paris hilton ... a dirty whore

Yo momma is so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

A British girl recently moved to the United States and their home was near the Colorado River in Texas. The English teacher asked the kids to write about their home and neighborhood. The British girl wrote "My home is near the Colourado River." as part of her work.

Yo momma so old, when she was a kid the rainbows were black and white.

Yo momma so fat, the little boy from THE SIXTH SENSE walked up to her and said "Let me tell you my secret now...I see YOU...everywhere"

yo momma so fat that people call her fat

Yo momma so fat she has her own gravitational pull!!!

What do you call a sheep with no eyes? A blind sheep (what else?)

A man was walking down a street when he sees a blonde couple who looked extremely happy. He goes up to them and asks: "Why are you guys so happy?" The couple says "We just finished a puzzle that took us 3 years!" "3 years!" the man said "It doesn't take that long to do a puzzle." "Oh yes it does" said the couple "It said so right on the side of the box 2 to 3 years...!"

In answer to the question "What's wrong?" The wife says: The same old thing. The wife means: Nothing. The wife says: Nothing. The wife means: Everything. The wife says: Nothing, really. The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot. The wife says: I don't want to talk about it. The wife means: I'm still building up steam.

Billy turns up at school very late one morning, and the teacher asks the reason why he's late. "Sorry, Miss, my dad got burned." "I'm sorry to hear that; I hope it's not serious," she replies. "Oh, they don't piss about at the crematorium, Miss!"