There was once a very very stupid farmer in Texas. The farmer decided he wanted to raise chickens, so he bought a standard gross of chicks. He planted the chicks in the field, watered them regularly, but nothing happened. He was a persistent type, though, so he bought another gross of chicks and planted them and cared for them - still nothing. Finally he decided he needed professional help, so he wrote a letter to the Texas A & M extension service, explaining exactly what he'd done in detail and asking for their advice. About two weeks later he received a letter from A & M, and read it: "Mr. X, we are unable to diagnose your problem without further information. Please send a soil s

Knock-Knock Why are you knocking? I've got a doorbell.

What do you get when the post office burns down? A case of black mail.

If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside? K9P.

Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville. Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert Anderson, age 11 Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermo

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Momma, why do I have these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well, son, when we trek across the desert, your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." A few minutes later, the young camel asks, "Momma, why do I have these long eyelashes?" "They're to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," replies the mother. "Momma, why do I have these great big humps on my back?" asks the baby camel. "They're to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without eating for long periods," explains the mother. "So, we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long ey

There once was a blonde who was writing a book. She didn't know what else to write, so she took a block from her little sisters toy box and went to go and watch TV. Her mom comes in and sees the book on the table with the wooden block on it. She goes ask her daughter what it was and her blonde daughter responded, "It's writers block mommy!"

When the husband arrived home, his wife met him at the door sobbing. He asked her what was wrong. "It's the pharmacist," she wailed. "He insulted me something awful on the phone this morning." Hearing this, the husband immediately headed downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist cut him off and said, "Please, just listen to my side of it." "This morning my alarm didn't go off," the pharmacist began to explain, "so I was late getting up. Going without breakfast, I rushed out to my car only to realize I had locked the house with both my house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, drivi

Why shouldn't you tell a secret around a clock? Because time will tell.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Kentucky Fried was on the side he was leaving from.

A boy named John was moving away somewhere far from his the home he is already in. But he couldn't bring the loved kitten he found. So he decided to sneak it. He stuffed the cat in a cardboard box without any holes. Suddenly his mother came up. He quickly taped it shut and put it on the corner of his bed. "John, did I hear a cat meow?" "No mother." She left. So then John went "Whew!" and he sat on the opposite corner of the bed. It forced the box upwards and out the window. The cat popped out and had it hands up, like on a roller coaster, and the same with its feet. It stared right at John and made a quiet meow. It fell in the kiddie pool. John said, "Well no wonder they call it the Kitty

"You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither." ~ Steve Martin "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." ~ Woody Allen "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." ~ Rodney Dangerfield "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." ~ Billy Crystal "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." ~ Tom Clancy "Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a