Popular Jokes
Yes, being over 50 does have its advantages...
1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run into a burning building.
4. People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
6. There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
7. Things you buy now won't wear out.
8. You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.
9. You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
13. You no longer t
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.
"Was it my friend Sam?" he demanded.
"No!" his weeping wife replied.
"Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked.
"NO!" she said even more upset.
"Well, which one of my no-good friends did this then?" he asked.
"Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
The landlady asked me if I minded making my own bed. I said I didn't and she said great there's a hammer and nails in the corner.
(Passing requires 4 correct answers...)
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Quiz Answers:
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get catgut? Sheep and H
If Six is afraid of Seven because Seven ate (Eight) Nine, why did Six soon die?
Because Six, Seven ate (Eight) (678)
1) Your life's ambition involved 2 things. "get high" and "earn just enough money to get high"
2) You're nervous around the police even if you have nothing on you because "you just know they know,"
-or-
You WANT them to search you because you don't have anything just so you can laugh at them.
3) You set aside actual lump sums of money to buy weed and treat it like your 'utility bill.'
4) You were never out of weed until your friends were out of weed.
5) Every time you happened to catch the clock at a glance and see '4:20', you automatically think of weed. (Whether you still smoke or have quit before)
7) You would drive over 100 miles if you knew a guy who was selling weed 20 bucks che
"I bet that India would win against Pakistan and lost Rs 1,000." Tommy told Rob.
"Hey, you bet Rs 1,000 for a single match?" Rob exclaimed.
"No Man, I bet Rs 500 on that match." Tommy replied.
"So, what happened to the other Rs 500?" Rob asked.
"My Friend, I bet on the highlights too." Tommy replied.
A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good samaritan and take him home."
The man takes the drunk out the door, and to his car, and he stumbles at least ten times. They drive along and the drunk points out his house to the man. He stops the car, and the drunk stumbles up the steps to his house with the man.
The drunk's wife greets them at the door: "Why thank you for bringing him home for me, but where's his wheel chair?"
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the Congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the preacher's additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a gift from God," he said. Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift from
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