Yo mommas so old that when she was in school they didn't have history.

Yo momma so dumb that when we told her it was a serial killer on the loose she went and locked all the boxes of cereal up in the cabinet.

1.How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back? 2.Yeah, I used to cut class a lot too. 3.Let me smell that shirt-don't worry, its good for another week. 4.Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed him and walk him every day. 5.That outfit isn't sexy enough, here, unbutton your blouse. 6.Why don't you hitchhike? It would be totally cheaper. 7.The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here. 8.Don't clean your room often; It makes the rest of the house look bad. 9.Can I borrow your new speed-metal CDs? 10.Naw, you don't have to call me, I'll eventually figure out what to do.

"What's wrong with you?" you asked a very dumb guy that was taking your order at the newest resturant in town. "The doctor doesn't know yet, hehe (snort)."

Do you know what style of shoes a frog loves most? Open toad!

What is more peculiar than watching a catfish? Watching a goldfish bowl.

A blond lady was taking a shower one morning and when she was done washing her hair she took the washcloth and washed herself. when she was done, she stepped to the left brought back her arm and swung. she did that 4-5 times. she was trying to dry the cloth. she finally just gave up. that night she told her husband what she did and he thought a moment and said "honey. were you putting the washcloth back in the water each time?" so the next morning the wife went back in the shower and tried not to hit the wash cloth in the water. she of course did not succeed. so again in bed that night she told her husband she had tried but she just could not get the washcloth to dry. so the husband said "ho

A man was on a game show. He was on his final question; all he had to do was answer that question right, and he would win 1 million dollars! The game show host said, "All right, for your final question: 'What are the names of three of Santa's reindeer?'" The man grinned and said, "Dasher!" The game show host said, "Correct!" "Comet!" "Correct! What is the last name?" The man yelled, "Olive!" The game show host was confused and said, "Why Olive?" The contestent looked at him strangely and said, "Oh, don't you know? 'Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...'"

I wish my name was Gary Boone! Do you wanna know why? Because, then, my name could be goon... you see, because you take the "G" from Gary and the "oone" from Boone to get Goon! But, you know, that's not the worst nickname. The person that does have the worst nickname is my friend, Phil Hart. I can't even tell you what we call him...

Starting from bottom to top, a short explanation of each body parts uses 1. Toe-Object used for balance(do blondes and drunks have toes? Food for thought) 2. Foot-Place in mouth after saying something stupid 3. Shin-Object used for finding furniture in the dark. 4. Pelvic area-pretty self explanatory 5. stomache- stom ACHE... coincidence? I think not. 6. Chest-What I like to talk to. 7.Fingers-Keep away from car doors. 9.Hands... 10. Elbow-I learned to dance after hitting this 11. Shoulder- Common site of burns. 12. Mouth- Place foot here(or other objects) 13. Brain- If you have one you noticed there is no eight. 14.1/2 brain-If you check for it.

A blond is in math class. The teacher says, "We are going to be learning about pi (3.14) today. Does anyone know what that is?" The blond says "I do. I made a cherry one this morning."

This Kentucky horse breeder had a filly that won every race in which she was entered. But as she got older she became very temperamental. He soon found that when he raced her in the evening, she would win handily, but when she raced during the day she would come in dead last. He consulted the top veterinarians and horse psychologists to no avail. He finally had to give up because it had become a real night mare.