Long ago I gave my kid an iPod. Last year he talked me into buying him an iPhone. This year he said he needed an iPad. I asked what the i- means and he said that's the way Apple name their products. Now he's asking for an i7 laptop. My goodness, Apple have made so many things they've now run out of names!

An actual headline: Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted.

Bad news: A man fell out of an airplane Good news: He had a parachute Bad news: The parachute didn't work Good news: There was a haystack beneath him Bad news: There was a pitchfork in the haystack Good news: He missed the pitchfork Bad news: He missed the haystack

Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? A: Because it had no body to go with.

Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake. One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?" "You are on the other side," the other blonde yells back.

Join the Marines: Visit exotic places, meet interesting people and then kill them.

I wonder who came up with the company People's Gas and where was their Pepto-Bismal?

Broccoli, while not exoccoli, Is within an inach of being spinach.

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?" 'Yeah,' the man answered, 'I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life.' 'But you look like Abe Lincoln.' protested the barkeep. 'That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago.'

A man asked God how much a million dollars was to him. God replied, "Oh, about one penny." Then the man asked how much an eternity was to him. God replied, "Oh, about a second." Then the man asked. "Can I have a million dollars and live an eternal life?" God replied, "Sure, just wait a sec."

Though the walls of our apartment complex aren't particularly thin, the floors and ceilings act as amplifiers. One night, several months ago, my wife and I were lying in bed. Noticing the repeated constant sound of a bed scooting along the floor and a headboard banging against a wall, we became aware that the occupants of the bedroom directly were doing more than tossing and turning in their sleep. This went on for some time. Later we described the event to our friends. US: "For the first five minutes, it was funny and kind of embarrassing that we could hear them so well. "After about ten minutes, it became really annoying. "After fifteen minutes, it was getting very frustrating becaus

Yo moma's like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.