Popular Jokes
Yo momma so fat, when she get in the elevator, u know, its Goin Down! (does motorcyle dance)
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.
What is the best way to get to Paradise?
Turn right and go straight.
Are you an aspirin? Because I'd like to take you every 4 to 6 hours.
There are a lot of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd like to mount and take back to my place.
Excuse me, are you hiring? I heard you have an opening you need filled.
What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper.
Do you like parties? Because you can climb up my pants and have a ball!
If you were vanilla ice cream and I was hot caramel, I'd pour myself all over you.
Here is $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come to talk to me.
Girl......you are like a tall glass of water, and I'm telling you str8 up I'm thirsty.
If you were a word on a piece of paper you would read (fine pr
Little Johnny was playing in the playground when he looks over and sees two teenagers having sex. He runs over to his mum who tells him that they are making 'cupcakes'.
He then goes on and continues playing. He then sees two 20 year olds getting naked in the sand box. He runs over to his mum and asks what they are doing. She again tells him that they are making 'cupcakes'.
The next morning Little Johnny's mum asked him if he had a good sleep. He replies no. He then goes on "You and daddy were making a lot of noise when you were making 'cupcakes' last night". She Replies "And how do you know we were making "cupcakes?"
He then says with a huge grin on his face. "I licked the icing off the
"Well, Jonathan, what are you going to do about the excess weight you're carrying around?" the doctor asked.
"I don't understand it, Doc," Jonathan replied, "I just can't seem to lose weight. I must have an overactive thyroid."
"Jonathan, the tests show that your thyroid is perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "It's your fork that's overactive."
Collecting Unemployment
Ole and Sven worked together and both were laid off, so they headed over to the unemployment office.
When Ole was asked his occupation, he replied, "Panty stitcher. I sew elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher and found it classed as unskilled labor, so she gave Ole $250 a week unemployment pay.
She then asked Sven what his occupation was, and he replied, "Diesel fitter."
Looking up diesel fitter, the clerk found it classed as skilled labor, so she gave Sven $500 a week.
When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double the amount that he was.
"Panty stitchers are unski
It is important -
1. It is important to find a woman who is a good cook and housekeeper.
2. It is important to find a woman who makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman who likes to have sex regularly.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.
Two detectives were investigating a scene, The victims had their hands and head cut off. "It's going to be a nightmare identifying the bodies, with no finger prints or faces" said one. The other replied, "I thought it would be rather easy, how many people do you know walking around with no head or hands?"
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
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