A guy was walking around town with a frog growing out of his head. Another man walks up to him and ask him, "What happened to you?" The frog answered, "Well, it started as a wart on my ass."

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience. The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" The man said, "I was looking for my father."

What do you call a nun that becomes an attorney? Sister in law!

A congregation honors a rabbi for twenty-five years of service by sending him to Oahu for a week, all expenses paid. When he enters his hotel room, there's a nude girl lying on the bed. He picks up the phone, calls his temple, and says, "Where is your respect? As your rabbi, I am extremely angry with you." Hearing this, the girl immediately gets up and starts to get dressed. He says, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you..."

One day, God was talking to St. Peter. God said, "I am not very happy with all the sinners in the world. I should send a letter to each of them and tell them what they are doing wrong and they must stop, or they will not come to Heaven when they die." "I have a better idea," St. Peter said. "We should send letters to all the people who are doing good things and congratulate them on being accepted into Heaven when they pass on." God agreed, so they sent out the letters. Do you know what the letters said? What, you mean you didn't get one?

Your email address ends in "@over.yonder.com". You have a bumper sticker on your truck that says "My other computer is a laptop". You've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular phone. Your spell checker knows words like, "Y'all", "Yonder" and "Reckon". You've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on. Your laptop has a sticker on it that says "Protected by Smith & Wesson". You've used jumper cables to wire your network. Your wife said "either she or the computer had to go" and you still don't miss her. You start all your emails with "Hey Bubba", or "Howdy Y'all".

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Momma, why do I have these huge three-toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well, son, when we trek across the desert, your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand." A few minutes later, the young camel asks, "Momma, why do I have these long eyelashes?" "They're to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," replies the mother. "Momma, why do I have these great big humps on my back?" asks the baby camel. "They're to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without eating for long periods," explains the mother. "So, we have huge feet to stop us from sinking, long ey

Having just graduated from Harvard, the young man was very excited thinking about his future. Getting into a taxi, the driver says to him, "How are you on this beautiful, sunny day?" "I'm the class of 2006. I just graduated from Harvard and I'm very excited about getting out there and seeing what the world has in store for me!" The driver shakes the young man's hand and replies, "Congratulations, young man. I'm George, class of 1968."

An old hillbilly farmer with a severe case of hemorrhoids visited the doctor. The doctor prescribed some very powerful suppositories and asked the man to come back in a couple of weeks. The old farmer hadn't used suppositories before, and didn't realize they weren't a pill to be taken orally. Two weeks later, the old farmer, in even more discomfort from the hemorrhoids, sees the doctor again. The doctor asks him how the suppositories are working? The old farmer says, "For all the good they did me, I might as well have shoved them up my ass!"

Some of the replies given by a group of five to seven year olds from New York State who were asked, "How are babies made?" "Mom makes babies with Dr. Roberts. I dunno how they do it." "If a man and a woman love each other very, very much, the woman will grow a baby inside her body." "Dad has a carrot that he plants in Mom's cabbage patch. About a year later the baby has been grown." "Mom collects the babies from the hospital where they are born somehow." "Mom takes a pill every day and it's a baby pill. It makes a baby grow inside her tummy. When it's one year old it comes out of her and cries." "Mom and Dad are happy together and then a baby comes along." "The father gives the mother

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go. DOG BED: any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room. DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps. SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once

...you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood".