Height of Patience: A naked woman lying down with her legs apart under a banana tree. Height of Frustration: A boxer trying to scratch his balls. Height of Innocence: A teenage girl applying Clearasil to her nipples. Height of Laziness: A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest. Height of Competition: A guy peeing beside a waterfall. Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw. Height of Disgust: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper. Height of Technology: A condom with a zip. Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his arse is itching.

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, "I know that, in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork... but have you really never even tasted it?" The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, "I must tell you the truth. Yes I have, on the odd occasion." The rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "I know that in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate... but..." The priest interjected, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice." The two resumed their reading. There was silence for a while. Then the rabbi pee

TOP 10 SLOGANS BEING CONSIDERED BY VIAGRA 10. Viagra, It's "Whaazzzzz Up!" 9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper 8. Viagra, Like a rock! 7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight. 6. Viagra, Be all that you can be. 5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone. 4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman! 3. Viagra, Tastes great!......... More filling! 2. Viagra, We bring good things to life! And the number one slogan, being considered by Viagra: 1. This is your penis.........This is your penis on drugs.

A mugger approached a very well-dressed and dignified lawyer on a deserted street one night: "Gimme your wallet and the keys to your car!" The lawyer shook his head and said in a patronizing tone: "Do you have ANY idea what it's like to walk in my shoes or wear my clothes? I have more responsibility than you could imagine. I have a family and a firm with a hundred employees. I am in charge of it all! Look at these clothes! Do you know what I have to earn to WEAR a $3,000 suit like this? Look at this fifty dollar necktie! And these cufflinks! Now try to imagine what it is like to walk in these thousand dollar shoes! If you DID know, you would not mug me!" The mugger looked at the pinstripe

Q:What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer? A:The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.

You might be a redneck if..... you went weeks without food or shelter just so you could have front row seats to a Brooks-n'-Dunn concert.

Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we called the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?"

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "OK." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK. Right-click again. So you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." _____________________________________________ Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left-hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev and Brezhnev are all travelling together in a railway carriage. Unexpectedly, the train stops. Lenin suggests: "Perhaps we should call a subbotnik, so that workers and peasants fix the problem." Stalin puts his head out of the window and shouts, "If the train does not start moving, the driver will be executed!" But the train doesn't start moving. Khrushchev then shouts, "Let's take the rails behind the train and use them to construct the tracks in the front." But it still doesn't move. Brezhnev then says, "Comrades, comrades, let's draw the curtains, turn on the gramophone and pretend we're moving!"

பைலட் மனைவி: ரொம்ப ஒசரத்தில பறக்கிறதா நெனப்போ..வாத்தியாரின் மனைவி: எந்தலையெழுத்து ஒங்களுக்கு பாடம் எடுத்தே நான் ஓய்ஞ்சி போயிட்டேன்..நடிகனின் மனைவி: ஒங்க நடிப்பையெல்லாம் வேற யார்கிட்டயாவது காமிங்க எங்கிட்ட வேண்டாம்...மின்சார வாரியத்தில் வேலைசெய்யும் கணவனின் மனைவி: ரொம்ப பண்ணுனீங்க அப்புறம் பீஸ புடுங்கி விட்ருவேன் ஆமா ...ஆடிட்டர் மனைவி: எல்லாம் ஞாபகம் வச்சிருக்கேன் ஒருநாள் ஒன்னோட கணக்க தீக்குறனா இல்லையா பார்...டிசைனரின் மனைவி: மூஞ்சில எம் பீச்சாங்கைய வெச்சேன்னு வையி மூஞ்சி ஷேப்பு மாறிடும் ஆமா..வெட்னரி டாக்டரின் மனைவி: மாடு மாறி மசமசனு நிக்காம போயி வேலய பாருங்க ...எஞ்சினியர் மனைவி: எல்லா பார்ட்ஸ்சையும் உறுவிப்புடுவேன் உறுவி ஆமா ...பல் டாக்டர் மனைவி: ஒண்ணு விட்டேன் வையி பல்லு பூராம் தெறிச்சிபுடு

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1,000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate. A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns. H

A guy is sitting at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He's slamming tequila left and right. He grabs one, drinks it, goes over to a window and jumps out. The guy who was sitting next to him couldn't believe that the guy had just done that. He was more surprised when, ten minutes later, the same guy, unscathed, comes walking back into the bar and sits back down next to him. The astonished guy asks "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out that window and we're hundreds of feet above the GROUND!". The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the