Take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some winners: Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining sex. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer. Glibido: All talk and no action. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. Intaxicat

The angry preacher... The preacher rose with a red face. "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the K.K.K. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family!" No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you not have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood. Remember, you will be forgiven and in our heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression!" Again all was quiet. Slowly a drop dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would not stop rose from the third pew. H

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

Today is International Day of The Very Good Looking, Beautiful and Damn Attractive People, so send this message to someone you think fits this description. Please do not send it back to me as I have already received over one thousand messages and my inbox is jammed full.

The owner of a golf course in Knoxville, Tennessee was confused about paying an invoice minus his early payment discount, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

A father asked his son: "Why do you take the medicine before it's time? " The son answered:" To surprise the germs! "

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down. "Is this yours?" he asked. She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty. Would you like to join me?" He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like t

Two blondes were going on a hike, and came to a fork in the road. A sign was in the center that said "Bear left." One of the blondes said,"I'm happy that was taken care of, now we finally are able to take the upper trail," so they proceeded left.

A Texan is drinking in a New York bar when he gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Texan just shrugs, "That's about average down home, folks...like I said, my boy's a typical Texas baby boy." Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW"! were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Texas baby th

With so much turmoil in the world, God decided to pay a visit to earth to check things out. He strolled into a bar and approached the first man he saw. "If you believe in me enough to give me $50," he said, "I will grant you eternal life." "Sorry, I'm an atheist," the fellow replied, "and have never believed in God." God walked up to another man and made the same offer. "Well, I'm an agnostic and not really sure if I believe in you or not," the guy said, "but here's 50 bucks, just in case." As the Lord turned away, a third man ran up to him. "I'm Pat Robertson and don't really care if you're God or not," he said excitedly. "Just teach me the trick you did with the agnostic and I'll give