Virgin Mobile wanted to sponsor the national team. SAFA (South African Footballing Association) refused to let it happen. They said, "How will it look if the team has Virgin written on their shirts when they get f****d up every other weekend?"

A sandwich walked into a bar and asked for a pint. The bartender said, "Sorry, we don't serve food."

How do you know if a family tree is a redneck's? The family tree goes straight down.

Why did the Irish people jump on the bartender? He said, "The drinks are on me."

How do you make the number 1 disappear? Add a "g" to it and it's "gone"

90 percent of people in Idaho say, "Oh shit!" when in a car wreck, The other ten percent say, "Hold my beer and watch this shit!"

Pigs are the fourth most intelligent animal in the world. Pig's Tongue contains 15,000 taste buds. For comparison, the human tongue has 9,000 taste buds Dinosaurs didn't eat grass? There was no grass in the days of the dinosaurs. A crocodile's tongue is attached to the roof of its mouth? It cannot move. It cannot chew but its Digestive juices are so strong that it can digest a steel nail, Glass pieces, etc Sharks are immune to disease i.e they do not suffer from any Disease. Animals are either right- or left-handed? Polar bears are always left-handed, and so is Kermit the Frog. Ants don't sleep. The eyes of the chameleon can move independently & can see in two different directions

A priest was assigned a small church in the Alaskan backwoods. After a couple of years, the bishop stopped by to see how he was doing. "Ah, Bishop, it's really lonely here. I couldn't have made it without my Rosary and two martinis a day." The bishop replied, "You know, a martini would taste good right now." The priest agreed and yelled into the kitchen, "Hey, Rosary! Fix us a couple of martinis, will ya!?"

Why did Richard Nixon become President? Everyone called him Dick! They judged him by his name!

A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer. The ringmaster asked if he had any experience. The man said, "Why, yes. My father was one of the most famous lion tamers in the world, and he taught me everything he knew." "Really?" said the ringmaster. "Did he teach you how to make a lion jump through a flaming hoop?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And did he teach you how to have six lions form a pyramid?" "Yes he did," the man replied. "And have you ever stuck your head in a lion's mouth?" "Just once," the man replied. The ringmaster asked, "Why only once?" The man said, "I was looking for my father."

Knock-Knock Who's There. Pick up. Pick up Who? Pick up your truck and I'll grab the money.

Buy company, fire them. Beware of machine guns.