Rose, a mother of two boys, Jim and Ralph, heard yelling from upstairs. She heard several phrases like "I got you!" and "No, you didn't!" She ran to see what the yelling was about. It ended up that the two boys were playing cops and robbers, and were trying to shoot each other with their fingers. "Jim! Haven't I taught you not to point! Fake guns are no excuse!" "...But mum!" Jim replied after a short pause, "I'm giving him the thumbs up, too!"

Your parrot can say, "Open up, it's the police!"

A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain," he said. Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a Communist Party official walking toward them. "Let's not fight about it," the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?" "It's raining, of course," he replied, and walke

Q :whats the best thing about children? A :making them!!

Tons of Puns Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time. Dijon vu: the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating: always use condiments. I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax. If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons? A m

Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach? To keep his nuts warm!

A friend in need . . . . . .is a damn nuisance.

Knock-Knock. Who's there? Sherwood. Sherwood who? Sherwood like to meet you, so open the door!

Knock Knock! Who's There? Candy. Candy who? Candy door even open?

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect. If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by. I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it. I saw a man with a wooden leg, and a real foot.

A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother: Dear Grandmother, I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday. With love, Mike

What is the one thing you get at a wedding and cannot give back no matter how much you despise and hate it? IN-LAWS!