Yo momma is so fat if they named a hurricane after her it would have to be a category 20.

Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down. I leave the number of the room next to me. It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell, "Why are you calling me?" Then I get up and take a shower. It's great.

A woman answered her front door and found Little Johnny and Billy holding a list. "Lady," Johnny explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar." "Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?" "Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."

Q: Where do spiders go to learn new words? A: WEB-sters dictionary!!

Why did the elephant cross the road? Because the chiken retired.

Yo Momma so fat, she filled up the tub before she put the water in it.

A first-time father was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food everywhere, especially on the infant. His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband staring into space, then says, "What in the world are you doing?" He replied, "I'm waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat. The giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself, and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink, and, after a while, they order the same again. They continue all night, ordering the same drinks, drinking them, and ordering another load, untill suddenly, the giraffe falls off his stool, and lies unconscious on the floor. The man gets up of his stool and heads for the door. The barman shouts at him as he heads out the door "You can't leave that lyin' 'ere!" The man replies, "Its not a lion, its a giraffe!"

There is an old story about the data centre of the future. This data centre runs 24/7 with only a man and a dog. The man's job is to feed the dog. The dog's job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.

John, for heaven's sake, why can't you just talk to me once in awhile?" whined Mari. "Huh?" John responded. "Look around you!" she yells, as she points around the room. "All these books. Your head is always buried in books. You don't even know I'm alive!" "Oh. I'm sorry." "You know, sometimes I wish I were a book. Then you'd at least look at me." "Hmmm," John mumbled in deep thought, "that's not a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days and change you for something more interesting."

I am not a believer in seances, but I went to one just to see what they are like. The psychic was doing his thing and grinning from ear to ear. I assumed his merriment was due to the fact that he was fooling a gullible public and gave him a poke in the nose. You can probably guess the rest. I was arrested for striking a happy medium.

"Rusty Bed Spings" by I.P Nitely "Fell off a Cliff" By Ilene Dover "Bounce of a Brick Wall" by Rick O'Shey "Mini Skirts" by Seymour Buttz "Race to the Outhouse" By Willie Makit" and last but not least "Guide to One Night Stands" by Juan Teboneya"