You're so fat you turn the world upside down!

Who is Yo Momma? Yo Momma doesn't know.

Your so ugly, when you were born the doctors shoved you back in.

Yo mamas so dumb she put a quarter in a parking meter and said "Hey! Wheres my gumball?".

Q.What did one sheep call the other sheep who stole his food? A. a ba-a-astard

Boy: May I hold your hand? Girl: It isn't very heavy. I think I can carry it myself.

After his recent stay in the hospital, Pa was particularly irritable, especially regarding food. At a nearby restaurant he stopped for a quick meal and the waiter provided a bowl of soup. As the waiter turned away to return to the kitchen Pa stopped him, calling: "Waiter!" "Yes, sir, is there something wrong?" "The soup. Taste it," replied Pa. "I beg your pardon, sir?" "Taste it." "But, sir, I can assure you that the soup is excellent." "Taste it," Pa persisted. "Sir, the soup was made this morning of the finest ingredients." "Taste it!" The exasperated waiter finally relented. "All right, sir, I'll taste it." Then after a pause he said, "Where is the spoon?" To which P

While on the obstacle course in bootcamp, we had to lay on a rope and pull ourselves along. When I got to the other end and got my feet on the ground I asked my M/CPL if I could do that again. When he asked me why, I retorted with, "Well I have a groove down my left nut, I would like to put a groove down my right nut so they would match up again."

(Passing requires 4 correct answers...) 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get catgut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Quiz Answers: 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years 2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador 3) From which animal do we get catgut? Sheep and H

1 Why did the blonde cross the road? She was tied to the baby that was stapled to the chicken. 2 Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch? Her blinker was on 3 What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear ? Data transfer. 4 What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

The medics rush Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently with a massive heart attack. The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to ICU, where therapy continues. In a couple of days Mr. Steinberg's physician comes into his room and says, "Sol, I'm happy to tell you that you are completely well. You have the heart function that you did when you were a fifteen-year-old lad. We're going to send you home tomorrow. You don't have to worry about your heart; do any physical exercise that you like." Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is talking with his wife: "Doris, you'll never believe it: I'm completely well. I have no worries w

Why was Monica Lewinsky in the White House after hours? Clinton was showing her the proper way to take "dic"tation.