A boy was playing internet games on Yahoo. Finding it hilarious, he had named himself "emilycheesehotchick". One time, while playing pool, his opponent messaged to him "Want to have cyber sex...?" Curiousity took over him, and so he replied "Sure!". Thus followed a hot and mostly one-sided cyber sex, when all of a sudden, his mother came into the room. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" asked his mother. "I...I....I'm having cybersex with someone on Yahoo..." he replied. The mother paused...and then asked, "Are you emilycheesehotchick...?"

Given m = money, e = evil, t = time and w = women, prove that women are evil (women = evil) 1. m = e ^ (1/2) (money is the root of all evil) 2. t = m (time is money) 3. w = t * m (women are the product of time and money) 4. w = m ^ 2 (substitution) 5. w = {e ^ (1/2)} ^ 2 (substitution) 6. w = e Proven by mathematics - women are evil.

Yo momma's so ugly, she looked at me and my eyes burned off.

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye. The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to see through, and put it on her head to cover up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get upset about getting glasses." "I know," agreed the blonde, "but I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

Yo momma's so fat she tried on Orion's belt.

A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly. "Just say what you hear Mommy say, sweetie," the woman said. Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lord, why the heck did I invite all these people to dinner!?!"

If you can run and play any sport while wearing chanclas.... MEXICAN... If your late Tio left you a van and you turned it into a taco vending business, Yes, you're a Mexican. If you pronounce words beginning with the letter "S" by putting an "E" in front of it, (estop instead of stop), big time Mexican. If you call a chair, a sher, you got it.... Mexican. If you have ever hurt yourself and your mamacita rubbed the area while chanting, "Sana, Sana, Colita de rana....." You're Mexican, big time!!! If you have your last name in old English lettering anywhere on your car, truck, or tattooed on your back, Yes!! you ARE a Mexican (proud one too!) If you re

A Unitarian Universalist walks into a fabric store and asks the clerk for nine yards of material. The clerk asks, "What are you going to make?" The UU says, "I'm making a nightgown for myself as a present for my husband." The clerk says, "But nine yards is way too much material for a nightgown." The UU says, "I know, but my husband would rather seek than find."

(These are fake books, but they make me laugh) "Spots on the Wall" by Hoo-flung-poo "Under the Bleachers" by Seamore Butts "Ten Steps from the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit, Illustrations by Bettie Cant

If your ex-lover wants you back and you want him to know your serious, here's something you could say: "Come on back and take yo space, 'cuz if you break my heart again, I'll break yo face".

A blonde goes to the store and gets a box of almonds. As she is allergic to nuts, she asks a clerk at the counter, "Does this contain nut ingredients?"

You know how, in the olden days, you were named for what you did? For instance, if you were a blacksmith, your last name would be Smith, if you were a baker, your last name was Baker. It kind of makes me wonder what John Hancock's ancestors did for a living.