One day a blonde named Sharon was sitting at her till at the supermarket. Suddenly, she had an idea that would change the world forever. She had invented mind-mail! She called over her boss and told him. He was astonished and said, "Go on then, send me a mail through your mind!" She did as she was told, and sent him one. The manager then said, "I didn't quite get that, what was the message?" She replied, "I dunno, work it out for yourself!"

A nun who worked for a local home health care agency was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, there was a station just down the street. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up. The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourcef

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes.

"Waiter, I'd a cup of coffee, please, no cream." "I'm sorry, sir, we're out of cream. Would you have it with no milk?" "Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!" "Well, it was ground this morning!" "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?" asked the waiter. "I'll have tea," replied the first customer. "Me too – and be sure the cup is clean!" Soon, the waiter returns with two cups of tea. "Two teas," he says. "And which of you gentleman asked for a clean cup?"

A guy goes to the dentist and says, "How much to get these two teeth pulled?" "$80 a tooth," he replies. "For two minutes work! That's crazy!" said the patient. "Trust me," said the dentist, "You don't want me to do it any slower.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." - Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

Tommy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Tommy. Six months later the doctor met Tommy on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut th

You might be a redneck if all of your good clothes have come from cases of beer!

When the river runs red Take the dirt road instead!

A fool and his money are soon partying.

You can pick your friends, You can pick your nose; But you cant pick your friends nose.... What true words....!

You might be a redneck if both you and your wife wore ponytails on your wedding day.