The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. The woman enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal ho

Politians are like constipated people-they're full of shit.

Your momma so ugly she didn't even have to dress up for Halloween, and still scared everybody, and made some people say, "Nice costume!"

You are a redneck if: Your pet groundhog has ever bitten more than one of your thumbs off.

Yo mama so poor, she has to chase down the garbage truck with a shopping list!

Yo momma so old she got an autographed copy of the bible.

Yo mama's so stupid, she walked into an antique shop and asked "What's New?"

Message from www.dating.com: Your dating ad has been on the net for 8 weeks without any answer! Do you rather want us to try one week without a picture?

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk." Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said. Just remember...if the world didn't ****, we'd all fall off. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! Br

Yo momma's So stupid she put yellow for the answer to the following question: What color is Santa's red suit?

A mother explained to her daughter, "We didn't have TVs not to long time ago, sweetie." She looks at her mother strangely and asks, "Then how did they play their VCR's?

Yo momma so stupid she asked to buy a vowel on Wheel of Fortune and said "S"