A little girl is helping her mommy with the dishes when she notices that some of her hairs are gray. She asks her mom, "Why are some of your hairs gray?" The mom replies cleverly, "Whenever you make me cry or lie to me, one of my hairs turn gray." The girl thinks for a minute, and then asks, "Is that why all Grandma's hairs are gray?"

This Is A True Story, It Really Happened An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, scumbags !" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found h

Knock-Knock Who's there? A little old lady. A little old lady who? I didn't know you could yodel!

Why did 3 blonds jump off the building? To see if their maxi-pads had wings!

1) The couch is not mine. 2) No matter how much larger the human is, the cat still deserves half of the bed. 3) Tell those you love how much you love them but only after they feed you. 4) Its okay to be a tad overweight as long as you are still able to reach your goals(for example the windowsill). 5) Catnip actualy has a rather nice scent. 6) The printer is a valid seat. 7) All scurmishes with others can be solved by looking innocent. 8) Its okay to lose some hair, and of course, 9) Its always nice to be with those you love,even if they do smell like dog!

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead all get together once a week to talk about the problems they are having with their daughters, and get input from the other two moms. So, the brunette decided to open the meeting. "I found a pack of cigarettes on my daughter's nightstand the other night. What am I going to do?" The moms told her to talk to her daughter and tell her it was wrong, and to never do it again. The redhead said that she had recently found a 12 pack of beer in her daughter's closet. The moms told her to talk to her daughter, tell her it was wrong, and never to do it again. When it was the blonde mom's turn she said: "I found a box of condoms on my daughter'

Yo momma so fat she uses a dump truck as a toilet!

A blonde goes on vacation to New York and wants to take a tour. She goes to ask about the tours and says, "So, where can I catch the bus for the walking tour?"

A blonde is eating out at a very fancy restaurant with her family. Right then she sees an ice carving of a dolphin by the wall. She says to the waiter, "I love that ice carving, but what do you do with it when it melts?"

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?" The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse." Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. The woman enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal ho

Politians are like constipated people-they're full of shit.

Your momma so ugly she didn't even have to dress up for Halloween, and still scared everybody, and made some people say, "Nice costume!"