Popular Jokes
Tommy the Hedgehog was one of a rare sub-division which suffered a small but significant genetic defect.
This defect manifested itself in a malformed penis, which divided into four branches; though a little unusual, it was a good way to meet a lot of intrigued girl hedgehogs, so Tommy was a rather proud of this abnormality.
One peculiarity of his family was the way that he slept; curled up in a ball, lying on his back, and it was while taking a nap one day that he felt a terrible pain in the genital region.
He jumped up to see his penis disappear down the throat of a large cat.
"What the HELL are you playing at?" shouted Tommy; "I'm awfully sorry," replied the cat, "it's just that I'm a
Look at those ears! You have so much wax, that if I stuck a wick in there you would sing "Happy Birthday!"
Two blondes went out into the woods on a hunting trip.
They are out there for several hours, and discover that they are lost!
One says, "I heard that if you're lost in the woods, you fire three shots in the air, and wait for someone to come and rescue you."
"Ok," says her pal, "let's do it."
So they did, and waited to be rescued, but no-one came to their aid, so after an hour, they fired three more shots in the air, and waited again.
It's nearly dark by now, and one says to the other, "I hope someone comes soon, we're down to our last three arrows."
A father and son went fishing one summer day. While they were out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him.
He asked his father, "Dad, how does this boat float?"
"Don't rightly know, son."
"Dad, how do fish breath underwater?"
"Don't rightly know, son."
"Dad, why is the sky blue?"
"Don't rightly know, son."
Eventually, after the boy asked his father several more questions, "Dad, do you mind me asking all these questions?"
"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you never learn anything."
A blonde and her friends at a military camp had been taken out to play a game of paintball. Her team all bundle into their trench and prepare for the game. Suddenly, the whistle blows to signal the start of the game and the group-leader shouts,
"Fire at will!"
As the rest of the blonde's group start firing she turns to the group-leader and asks,
"Which one's Will?"
Why has Edward Woodward got 4 d's in his name?
If he hadn't he would be Ewar Woowar!
A scientist is researching storms, so he goes out to find one. He takes his blonde assistant to help him find one. They drive for miles until they come to some plains.
They stop the car and the scientist tells the blonde to look out for tornados. After a few minutes, a cow flies past due to strong winds and the blonde says,
"Look! A flying cow!"
The scientist writes this down on his notepad but as he does, the car gets swept away by a tornado.
The car lands in a ditch after the tornado had gone. The scientist got out and shouted at the blonde,
"I thought you were looking out for tornados!"
"I was, but after I saw the cow, I was looking for the dish running away with the spoon."
Teacher: Vincent, not to be presumptuous, but your short story is truly fantastic. Did you really write it?
Vincent: Yes, I wrote, while my mother dictated...
Did they mean these ads to read as they do?
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.
Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of
A woman goes into a doctor's office complaining that she has constant pains in her stomach.
The doctor brings her into the examining room and asks, "Well, Ma'am, are you constipated?"
The woman replies, "No, I am not. I go to the bathroom every morning at 8:15, just like clockwork."
The doctor asks, "Every day, are you sure?"
The woman replies, "Yes, I never miss a day, every day at 8:15am I am on the toilet."
Well, the doctor ponders this because obviously the woman is not constipated so he sends her for a battery of tests.
The doctor calls the lady a couple of days later and has her come into his office.
"Well, Ms., I have found the problem it seems that you have 3 tapeworms in your st
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