Yo Momma's so dumb she studied for a urine test!!

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early, and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom, and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?" "Yes, I am," said t

A Catholic man was struck by a bus on a busy street. He was near death lying on the sidewalk as a crowd gathers. "A priest! Somebody please get me a priest!" the man gasped. Minutes dragged on and no one stepped out of the crowd. A policeman checked the crowd and finally yelled, "A PRIEST, PLEASE! Isn't there a priest in this crowd to give this man his last rites?" Finally, out of the crowd stepped a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age. "Mr. Policeman," says the man, "I'm not a priest, I'm not even a Christian, but for fifty years now I've been living behind the Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I overhear their services. I can recall a lot of it, and m

Q: What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? A: Sparky!

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."

It is amazing how politicians can fit all their good points in a 30 second TV commercial.

Ralph's father said, "Let me see your report card." Ralph replied, "I don't have it." "Why not?" His father asked. "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

you've ever called the towtruck on yourself because you couldn't afford gas.

AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence Always Unsafe Designs Implemented All Un-informed Drivers Insulted All Unnecessary Devices Installed BMW Big Money Works Bought My Wife Brutal Money Waster BUICK Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer CHEVROLET Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time DODGE Dumb Old Dirty Gas Eater Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere FORD Fix Or Repair Daily Found On Road, Dead Fast Only Rolling Downhill GM General Maintenance GMC Garage Man's Companion HONDA Had One Never Did Again Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else. Hated Old Noisy Damaged Auto HY

Yo momma so fat and stupid that I told her to show me a pushup and she brought me one from the Ice Cream Man.

Buck Fush

Q: how many men does it take to screw in a light bulb A: 3, one to screw in the light bulb an 2 to listen to him brag about the "srewing" part