Popular Jokes
A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital. As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding how he was going to pay for his medical services. He was asked if he had health insurance.
He replied in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."
The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."
The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "I only have a spinster sister who is a nun."
The nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."
The patient replied, "Then send t
Why is it good to have a blond in your car?
ANSWER: You can park on places for disabled
James came to school late.
TEACHER: James, why are you late?
JAMES: I had to take the cow to the bull to mate.
TEACHER: Couldn't your father do that?
JAMES: No, I think it's better for the bull to do it.
Billy Joe Bob, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him for paintings.
One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked Billy Joe Bob if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object; she was willing to pay $50,000.
Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Billy Joe Bob asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with his wife.
In a few minutes, he returned and told the lady he was willing to do it. However, he would have to leave his socks on so he
Blondes are like pool tables - every time you put a dollar in, she'll rack your balls.
If Men Were in Charge of Weddings
There would be a "Rehearsal Kegger" rather than a "Rehearsal Dinner."
Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cut-offs and halter tops.
They would have NO tan lines.
The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car. Better yet, a Harley!
Idiots who tried to dance with the bride would get punched in the head.
Big, slobbery dogs would be eligible for the role of "Best Man."
There would be "Tailgate Receptions."
Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long.
Ceremonies and honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party. T
A preacher finished the service one morning by saying, "Next Sunday, I am going to preach on the subject of liars. As a preparation for my sermon, I would like you all to read Mark 17."
On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin. Looking out at the congregation he said, "Last week I asked you all to read Mark 17. If you have read the chapter, please raise your hand."
Nearly every hand in the congregation went up. Smiling, the preacher said, "You are the very people I want to talk to. Mark has only 16 chapters."
Three men die and go to hell. There is a white guy, a Polish guy, and a black guy. The devil makes a deal with the three men. He tells them if they can stand on his hand for 10 days without melting he will give them their lives back. So the three men agree to the deal and stand on his hand. After only 2 days the white guy melts and after the 4th day the Polish guy melts also. The devil thinks this is going to be a piece of cake. "Two down and one to go", he tells the black man. But after 10 days the black man is still standing strong. The devil asks him how this is possible and the man replies, "Chocolate melts in your mouth not in your hand."
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