What's red and invisible? No tomato.

The new principal was talking to the teachers. "Now, listen, my name is Mr. Prenis, with an "R". Please don't forget to spell it out clearly, so that the students dont laugh and such..." The teachers assure him that they will remember it, and they go out to adress the students. One of the male teachers steps up to the podium, and speaks into the microphone: "Welcome, students, to another year at Rearview Elementary. I would like you to welcome your new principal, Mr. Crock..."

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. When she walked back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in be

Recently the following undocumented Windows 98 error-codes were found. Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so they will be spread via the Internet: WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God only knows what has happened WinErr: 00A Promotional literature

" ஏண்டீ கோயில்லே தேங்காய் உடைக்கும்போது, Call பண்ணித் தொலைச்சே! "ஏன்னாச்சு?"தேங்காயைக் காதிலே வெச்சுண்டு... மொபைலை போட்டு உடைச்சுட்டேன் !

Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

A programmer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The programmer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want." Again the programmer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautifu

A drunk guy stumbles into the bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "No way, you've had enough." So the drunk leaves. The drunk then enters the bar from the rear door and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender refuses and asks the drunk to leave. The drunk comes back into the bar through the front door and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Listen, I'm not giving you a damn drink, you're already drunk enough." The drunk says, "DAMN, MAN! How many bars do you work at?"

A burglar had just broken into a house and was stealing anything he could get his hands on. Then he heard a voice. It said, "Jesus is watching you." Thinking its in his head he continues on his business. Then he hears it again, "Jesus is watching you." The burglar not very religious but still scared says, "Who are you?" Then he flipped on the light not caring if he was caught by the house owners. All he sees is a parrot in the corner. The parrot then says, "Jesus is watching you." The burglar asks the parrot his name. The parrot replied, "Satan." The burglar laughs and says, "Who would name their parrot Satan?" The parrot says, "Same person who would name their rottweiler Jesus."

Yo Mama is so fat that when she ran away they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? A: Professional courtesy.

"Madame," said the psychiatrist, "you haven't got a complex; you ARE inferior."