- "Hey, Princess, you wouldn't happen to know where a lonely knight could scabbard his sword, would you?" - "Been there, slain that." - "What's a nice maiden like you doing in a dungeon like this?" - "They don't call me Lance-A-Lot for nothing, you know." - "When the Inquisition put me on the rack, my limbs weren't the only thing they stretched." - "Dost thou know? That chastity belt of yours would look great on my sleeping chamber floor." - Wench: "What's that sound?" Knight: "That's just the sound of my chain mail drawers expanding." - "Thou hast hit on me harder than the black plague!" - "Your hovel or mine?" - "Pardon me, madam, but wouldst thou like to see my long sword in acti

To: Professor _______________ From: ____________________ I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons: __1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did. __2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did. __3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into: __Medical School __Graduate School __Dental School __Fraternity/Sorority __The Mickey Mouse Club __Tri County Tech __4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ______. __5. I'll lose my scholarship. __6. I'm on a varsity sports team, and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam for me. __7. I didn't come to

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her. She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively, "I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish, but is from a wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?" He answers, "Monica Lewinsky." There is a long pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that

A lawyer died, and at the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven together. They spend the day in orientation, and as they're getting their heavenly vestments, the Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like everyone else, and the lawyer gets much finer apparel, made of gold thread, and Gucci shoes. Then, they get to see where they're going to live. The Pope gets what everyone else gets, a replica of a Holiday Inn room, and the lawyer gets an 18-room mansion with servants and a swimming pool. At dinnertime, the Pope receives the standard meal, a kosher TV dinner, but the lawyer receives a five-course meal including caviar, prime rib and chocolate truffles. By

The dean of a women's college, addressing her charges, concluded, "...and remember, young ladies, you represent not only your own honor but that of the school. When approached by young men, ask yourself: Is an hour's pleasure worth a lifetime of disgrace? Now, are there any questions?" A young lady immediately raised her hand and said, "Tell me, how do you make it last an hour?"

Are you a technical geek? Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes. You know you are a technical geek when . . . When your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply, "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs

A man takes a day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole, when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it, and is about to shoot when he hears "Ribbit, 9 iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anybody. So he gets ready again, when he hears "Ribbit 9 iron" He looks at the frog, and decides to prove him wrong. He puts away his club, and gets a 9 iron. He whacked that ball, and it landed 10 in. from the cup! He was shocked, and looked at the frog, "Wow, that was amazing" he said "You must be a lucky frog then." "Ribbit, Lucky Frog" The man takes the frog to the next hole. "What do you think?" he said. "Ribbit, 3 wood" The ma

Knock Knock! Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? No! Kangaroo!

Recently the following undocumented Windows 98 error-codes were found. Microsoft forgot to explain them in the manuals, so they will be spread via the Internet: WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file WinErr: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God only knows what has happened WinErr: 00A Promotional literature

MADE YOU LOOK!

Both are attractive cost about $400 for 2 or 12 hours of fun. But right when you're satisfied you get addicted to them, And keep wasting money replacing em.

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know t