Popular Jokes
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"
A small voice from the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; she's still old, nasty, and wrinkled"
A male gorilla at the zoo had been separated from his mate for several months and was really horny.
One night after the zoo had closed and all the animal keepers had left, he decided he was going to tear the bars apart and screw the first thing he could find.
As he left his cage and ran through the zoo he came upon a lion sleeping in the grass. He really wasn't thrilled with his find but since he had promised himself he would take the first thing he could get, he grabbed the lion and screwed it.
Just as the gorilla finished, the lion awoke and was really pissed. The lion started chasing the gorilla through the zoo and was beginning to gain on him. The gorilla turned a corner and saw a p
1. Q: What would you do if a cheetah charged you?
A: Pay him cash. (But don't worry. He accepts credit cards too.)
2. Q: Who went into the tiger's lair and came out alive?
A: The tiger.
3. Q: If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped off, how many are still on the boat?
A: None- they were all copy cats.
4: Q: What has four legs and two eyes but sees just as well from both ends?
A: A tiger with its eyes closed.
10. What do you mean "today's our anniversary"?
9. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
8. Ohh, this diamond is way too big!
7. And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!
6. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being "just friends".
5. Honey does this outfit make my butt look too small?
4. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
3. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.
2. I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.
1. Hey, pull my finger!
A little boy was sitting on the couch while his parents were arguing.
"I don't want your bastard family coming over for Thanksgiving." said his mom.
"Mom, what's a bastard?" asked the little boy.
"Oh, that is just your dad's family." she replied.
"Well I don't want those bitches you call family to come either!" his dad said
"Dad, what,s a bitch?"
"Oh, it is just your moms family."he said
Later the little boy went and took a shower with his mom. He looked up and said, "Mom what are those?" His mom was surprised she didn't know what to say so she said, "Oh, they are tits. something grown ups wear under there clothes."The boy seemed satisfied and got out.
He then took a shower with hi
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."
He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Well, then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close properly."
To which he replies, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have a Westinghouse logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."
"Fine," she says, "Then, would you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're a mess and a real hazard."
"I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died."
"Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
Name:_________
1. Finish this pattern: a,_,c,d,e,f (hint, B)
2. If you are standing, what are you doing? (hint, standing)
3. Finish the sentence: I am a blond______
4. Explain Einstein's theory, or spell cat
5. Are you writing with a pen/pencil or a tissue? (hint pen/pencil)
6. Spell the word chicken
Bill Clinton and Al Gore went into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu, the waitress came over and asked Clinton, "Are you ready to order, sir?"
Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."
"A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life, I don't believe that's a good idea. I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the MENU." She walks away.
Al Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it's pronounced 'Quiche'"
Just think, if it weren't for marriage,
men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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