This truly happened in an advanced oral English classroom: When the teacher asked the students: "What surprised you most in Tsinghua?" One of them answered, "Well, I'd heard that girls in Tsinghua were terribly ugly before I came here. However, when I arrived here myself, I was surprised to find there's so many pretty girls, some of them are even sexy......" At that, all girls in the room smiled shyly. Then he continued, "But when the holiday was over, I found all of them had gone!"

Waiter, this plate is wet. That's your soup, sir.

President Clinton had heard of all the starving people in Somalia, and wanted to get a look for himself. He ordered his aides to prepare Air Force One. On the plane, the president looked down with his binoculars, and said "My God! Look at them! Skinny, starving - where are our troops?" An aide chimed in: "Er, Mr. President... that's not Somalia. It's Arkansas."

The best way to accelerate Windows is through one.

Aron: Throw all of your fish in the air. Jake: Why? Aron: So I can tell my mom I honestly caught them.

Guest: "A cup of coffee, please!" Waiter: "Turkish or filtered?" Guest: "Why, filtered, of course." Waiter: "Then you'll have to bring your own filter paper for now."

Toc Toc! Qui est là? Sheila. Sheila qui? Sheila lutte finale...

A runner going to participate in the Olympic games had a dream, that he was driving a quadriga. Early in the morning he goes to a fortune-teller for explanation of the dream. The reply is: -You will win, that meant the speed and the strength of the horses. But, to be sure about this, the runner visits another fortune-teller. This one replies: -You will lose. Don't you understand, that four ones came before you?

-How do you deal with mice in the Kremlin? -Put up a sign saying "collective farm". Then half the mice will starve and the others will run away.

Dear John, I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled and then it broke down about a mile down the road and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbour's daughter! I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbour's daughter is 19. We have been married for ten years. When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counselling and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help? Sincerely, Sheila John's reply... Dear Sheila,

The other day, I bought a packet of air. I was surprised to find a few potato chips inside it. -Dedicated to Lays

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum." The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in garbled speech, "And what if I swallow it?" "No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."