A lady named Annala had 4 children. They didn't spent a lot of time together. One day Annala's husband said,"How about having a picture contest, so we can have a great time! We can invite the whole family; Grandma, Grandpa, and the rest of the gang!" The mother accepted the challenge. The day of the picture contest everyone was there. So far everyone had very lovely pictures. A picture of a flower, a picture of a cat, a picture of a dog, and a picture of a duck. The youngest child was the last. Everyone was cheering while he was presenting. He proudly announced, "This great picture I made is of my mommy and daddy wrestling on the bed!"

Lou sat at the bar furiously pounding down shots of whiskey. His best friend, Jim, spotted him and said, "Lou, what's going on? Are you okay? I've known you for fifteen years and I've never seen you drink like this before." Staring at his next filled shot glass, Lou replied, "My wife just ran off with my best friend," and tossed that drink down, too. "But I thought that I was your best friend?" said Jim. Lou looked at Jim through bloodshot eyes and slurred, "Not any more!"

A teacher is telling her class she has two words that will not be allowed to use. Teacher: There are two words which I will never let you use. One is gross and the other is cool. Student: So what are the words?

There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1 - Don't tell people everything you know.

Read All About It! A newsboy was standing at the corner with a stack of newspapers, yelling, "Read all about it! Fifty people swindled! Read all about it!" Curious about it, a man walked over and bought a newspaper. After checking the front page and finding nothing, he said to the boy, "What are you talking about? I don't see anything in here about fifty people being swindled." The newsboy ignored him and continued, yelling out, "Read all about it! Fifty-one people swindled!"

The boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go." Black employee: "I'm a protected minority." Female employee: "And I'm a woman." Oldest employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin." ...at which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."

"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off." - Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

Foreign Film Any movie shown in a Texas theater that isn't a western.

Another Month Ends: All Targets Met, All Systems Working, All Customers Satisfied, All Staff Eager and Enthusiastic, All Pigs Fed and Ready to Fly.

1. All of you, stand in a straight circle. 2. I have two daughters, and both are girls! 3. Both the three of you get out of the class. 4. I saw you with my wife.....in the theatre. 5. Open the windows let the Airforce come in. 6. Boys go to the right, girls to the left. The rest follow me. 7. How dare you look at the monkey outside the window when I'm sitting here!

How can you tell if a redneck is married? There are tobacco stains on both sides of his pickup.

This truly happened in an advanced oral English classroom: When the teacher asked the students: "What surprised you most in Tsinghua?" One of them answered, "Well, I'd heard that girls in Tsinghua were terribly ugly before I came here. However, when I arrived here myself, I was surprised to find there's so many pretty girls, some of them are even sexy......" At that, all girls in the room smiled shyly. Then he continued, "But when the holiday was over, I found all of them had gone!"