Knock, knock. Who's there? Esther. Esther who? The Esther Bunny. Knock, knock. Who's there? Stella. Stella who? Stella nother Esther Bunny. Knock, knock. Who's there? Samoa. Samoa who? Samoa Esther Bunnies. Knock, knock. Who's there? Consumption. Consumption who? Consumption be done about all these Esther Bunnies? Knock, knock. Who's there? Esther. Esther who? Esther anyone else as sick of this joke as I am?

Presidents on a sinking ship! Ford says: "What do we do?" Bush says: "Man the lifeboats!" Reagan says: "What lifeboats?" Carter says: "Women first!" Nixon says: "Screw the women!" Clinton says: "You think we have time?"

The big list of fun stuff to do in that boring ol' courtroom of law... 1. Bring a cell phone and order a pizza when the judge starts talking. 2. Bring a zip-lock bag full of grapes and launch a few at the defendant when the judge isn't looking. 3. Giggle uncontrollably when they show the evidence, if any blood is present. 4. If they ever bring up the possibility of an accomplice, duck your head and quiver. 5. Stand up and yell "OBJECTION!" to everything the judge says. EVERYTHING. 6. If you're the defendant, wait until the judge starts talking about you. Proceed to hide under your table. 7. If anybody attempts to communicate with you in any way, stare off into space and blow spit bubb

Two unemployed guys are talking and onne says, "I'm going to become a lion tamer." The other replies, "That's crazy, you don't know anything about lion taming." "Yes I do!" "Well, OK, answere this. When one of those lions comes at you all roaring and biting, what are you going to do?" "Well, then I take that big chair, they all carry, and I stick it in his face until he backs down." "Well, what if the lion takes that big paw, and hooks the chair with his big claws, and throws that chair out of the cage? What do you do then?" "Well, then I take that whip they all carry, and I whip him and whip him until he backs down." "Well, what if that lion bites that whip with his big teeth, and bi

Once upon a time, there was a fairy called Nuff. Fair enough.

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it's getting worse. Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for sale, and is going for a song. Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived, and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble." "I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefu

I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university. I used to work repairing construction equipment. One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it, I started heating the nut with an oxy-acetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut, it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt so I could then remove it. "So things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked. Suddenly, an idea flashed into my mind (I know not f

There were two guys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to try some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, and they took off for up there. The lakes were frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to a lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're going to need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're going to need another dozen ice picks." Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the the guy left. In about an hour, he was back. "We're going to need all the ice picks you've got." The bait man

Here's the background: Bill works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of CSUC; Chuck is his boss and the owner of the truck, and yes, according to Bill, this actually happened. (Chuck is telling the story). Her: Yes, I'd like a milk with some coffee in it. Me: So, that's just a splash of coffee in a milk? Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee. Me: Is there more milk or coffee? Her: Oh, definitely more coffee. Me: So that's a coffee with some extra milk. Her: Just the usual amount of milk. Me: A coffee with milk. Her: Yes. Me: Anything else? Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine? Me: We do have decaf. Her: No, I don't want decaf, ju

There was a question in our company newsletter asking about whether they could water the flowers in the bathroom since they were looking wilted and sick. The response was, "The flowers are artificial." [Editor's note: Evidently some employees created a rest room gas cloud powerful enough to wilt artificial plants. You have to admire that on some level]

How did Alfo make a quart of juice from 3 oranges? It was a tight squeeze.