The farmer's son was returning from the market, with the crate of chicken's his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden, the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood, scooping up the wayward birds, and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst. "Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them." "Well, you did real good, son," the farmer beamed. "You left with seven."

There is an old story about the data centre of the future. This data centre runs 24/7 with only a man and a dog. The man's job is to feed the dog. The dog's job is to make sure the man does not touch the computer.

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?" After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."

Yo Momma is so ugly that even Ripley's couldn't believe it!

Two prostitutes moved to a new town, and on their first Sunday, went to church. One of the girls was quite proud of her singing; the other felt she couldn't carry a tune in a bucket, so was quiet. After one desultory hymn, the priest berated the congregation, "Quite clearly, there are some who are singing, and some who are not. Can we please have a more concerted effort for the other hymns?" One whisper to her friend, "My word, how did he know about us so quickly?"

Money can't buy everything... but then again, neither can no money.

Legs is the word - spread the word.

Two ships, one carrying lots of red paint, the other carrying lots of purple paint, crashed on a desert island. The drivers are now marooned.

Special bonus, two for the price of one! The party was in full swing, the drink going down several well-lubricated throats. One of the guests was a Scot, wearing the traditional kilt, and a couple of the more adventurous girls were teasing him, asking him if anything was worn under his kilt. He replied, "No, everything is in perfect working order," and with that, he lifted his kilt to give them a quick flash. "Oh, it's gruesome," said one of the girls. "Have another look," he says, "it's grew some more!"

Sally – "Mummy, why can't I go swimming in the sea?" Mum – "Because there are sharks in the sea." Sally – "But mummy, daddy is swimming in the sea." Mum – "That's different, he's insured."

Yo momma's so fat that when she got into an elevator, she exceeded the weight limit. I wonder how many it took to get her in there in the first place?

Three contractors are at a theme park to bid for a job repairing fences – one is from New York, one from Texas and the third from Florida. First to bid is the Florida contractor. He measures up and says, "Well, I reckon we'll do the job for $900. That's $400 for materials, $400 for the men, and $100 for me." Next is the Texan, who measures up and says, "I'll do the job for $700, that's $300 for materials, $300 for my men, and $100 for me." The man from New York doesn't even stand up. He says, "$2700." The park owner, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure the job! How did you arrive at that price?" "Easy," says the New Yorker. "$1000 for you, $1000 for me, and we hire the Texan."