What's the difference between a man and a condom? Condoms have changed. They're no longer thick and insensitive.

A young woman asks her mother, "Mom, how many kind of penises are there?" The mother, surprised, answers, "Well, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only."

Politics - A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage

It was Arbor Day, and a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all planted something. The redhead planted flowers in her front yard. The brunette planted a tree in her back yard. The blonde didn't know what to plant, so she asked the redhead. "Plant something that looks good," she said. The blonde still didn't know what to plant, so she asked the brunette. "Plant something you want more of," she said. The blonde finally knew what to plant. The next day,her husband was declared a missing person.

A man was walking in a rich neighborhood when he saw a lost dog ad. Part of the bottom line of the ad was torn by the weather, so all the man could see of the ad was LOST DOG IF FOUND CALL 555-5555 REWARD: ALL OF MY FAMILY'S (blank blank blank) Being as this was a rich neighborhood, the man assumed that the blank in the ad represented money. He was very excited at the thought of owning all of a rich family's money, so he very desperately searched for the dog. After one week of desperate searching, the man found the missing dog and immidiately returned it to the family. A woman came to the door and excitedly said, "Thank goodness someone fou

You know you're ghetto when you carry food stamps in a money clip!

Yo momma so stupid that she forgot where she parked her car in an empty parking lot!

Once there was this Australian guy, an English guy, and an American guy. They all went into a furniture store to by a chair that played music when you sat on it (aka musical chair). The next day the Australian guy comes back and says he wants to return the chair. When the clerk asks why he says it's too hard, so the clerk gives him his money back. The day after that the English guy comes back and says he wants to return the chair and again when the clerk asks why, he says it was too hard. So the clerk gives him his money back. The next day the American guy comes back and asks to return the chair. The clerk, getting somewhat annoyed by this time, says, "Let me guess, it's too hard right?" The

A teacher in New York City wanted to see how many animals the city kids in her fourth-grade class could identify. She drew a picture of a cow on the blackboard and said, "Who can tell me what this is?" A little girl raised her hand. "Yes, Janie, what do you think it is?" "It's a cow, teacher." "Very good, Janie," said the teacher. Then she drew a picture of a pig, and a little boy answered correctly. She drew several other barnyard animals and was unable to stump the class. Finally, she decided to try something a little more difficult. She drew a stag with a large spread of antlers. The kids just stared, but nobody offered an answer. "I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "W

I once knew a boy who was dating his left hand and having an affair with his right.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them. Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? A: You pick it up pull the pin & throw it back. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? A: The joystick is wet. Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A: Pick them up off the floor. Q: Why don't blonds play frisbee? A: It hurts their teeth. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: How di

Little Johnny's mother took her 6-year-old son with her to the bank. They were in line behind a rather obese lady. As the mother patiently waited, Little Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom, she's really fat." The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile. Little' Johnny received a reprimand. After a minute or two, Little Johnny spread his hands as far as they will go and loudly said, "I bet her butt is 'that' wide." At this the lady glared at Johnny. His embarrassed mother severely scolds her son. Again after a couple of minutes Little Johnny stated loudly, "Look how the fat hangs over her belt." The