A little guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs., 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs. each, Turner Brown." The small guy just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping and shaking him. He asks, "Are you Ok?" In a very weak voice the little guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs., have a 20 inch penis, my testicles

Former Vice President Dan Quayle says that if you take out the profanity, the TV show "The Osbounes" is about good family values. You take out the profanity, and "The Osbournes" is about 30 seconds long.

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger: Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!

Yo momma is so fat I had to take five trains, eight cars, and twelve airplanes just to get around her!

Two English guys were in the middle of the scorching desert with no food or water. They both decide to stop and have a rest in the sand. Then one guy has a genius idea. The guy says, "I support Liverpool football team, so I'll eat the liver of my camel!" The second guys says, "I support Arsenal football club, but I'm not that hungry!"

Yo momma so fat, she's the founder of Button Poppers Anonymous.

Yo momma so dumb she thought a quarterback was a refund!

Why is Michael Jackson dating twenty-eight year olds? The answer is: Because there's twenty of them! (twenty eight year olds....)

There were three girls and a genie on a mountain. There was a redhead, a brunette and a blonde. The only one who knew how to get off the mountain was the genie, but she offered the girls a wish to turn into birds and fly off. "I want to be a blue jay so I can showoff my blue color in the sun." the redhead said to the genie. POOF! The bluejay landed off the mountain safely. "I want to be a cardinal so I can go visit my friends in St. Louis." the brunette said. POOF! The cardinal landed safely off the mountain, too. Then the blonde shouted "I want to be cuter than a bluejay and a cardinal! I want to be a penguin!"

Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A: "What's a lightbulb?"

5 boys are walking by a "haunted" house" One of the five boys said, "I bet I could go in there for more than five minutes." A couple minutes later, he comes out screaming "GHOST!" The second boy decides to try to go in for more than ten minutes. He comes out screaming after four minutes, "HE WASN'T LYING! GHOST!" The third and fourth boy go in together and try to stay in for more than an hour. They come out screaming the same thing. The last boy walks and says he can stay in there a whole day. Once he walked in, the other boys heard him say, "Hi Grandma."

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."