Popular Jokes
The Frenchman and the Italian were in the woods, hunting together when suddenly a beautiful blonde girl raced across their path, totally nude!
"Would I love to eat that?" "Oui, oui!" The Frenchman said, smacking his lips.
So the Italian shot her.
Q.)Why do kids pick their nose?
A.)BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO DARN LAZY TO GET A TISSUE
AND THEIR FAVORITE SHOW IS ON. EVEN THOUGH THEY'VE SEEN IT 1 HUNDRED TIMES, CAN'T MISS A SECOND TO GET A TISSUE, WHEN THEY HAVE THEIR FINGER FOR FAST AND EASY ANSWER FOR THEIR BOGERY NOSE!
Q.) How do you make them stop?
A.) Glue a tissue box full of tissues to their head.
Why don't vegetarian women scream during orgasms?
They refuse to admit that a piece of meat gives them pleasure!
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She points him to the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"
He answers, " You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes. She came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers saying, 'It's sooo much cheaper!' So, I figure if I have to roll my own. So does she."
A mother explained to her daughter, "We didn't have TVs not to long time ago, sweetie."
She looks at her mother strangely and asks, "Then how did they play their VCR's?
A blond employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password.
"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.
"Those asterisks are to protect you," the Help Desk technician explains, "so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."
"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me!"
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago.
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York.
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic: New Jersey.
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator: Boston.
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator, with gun in lap: Los Angeles.
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror: Ohio, but driving in California.
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat: Italy.
8. One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradli
Dear Santa,
You must be suprised that I'm writing to you on the 26th of December. I would like you to remember that I asked for a pair of rollar blades, a bicycle, an electric train, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying this whole year. Not only was I the first class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, but there was nobody in my neighborhood who behaved better than me including to my parents, my brothers and sisters, my neighbors, and my friends. I would even help the elderly across the street and go on errands. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity. What ball you have leaving me a fuckin yoyo, a la
1 Why cant blondes make ice cubes?
Because they dont have the recipe!
2 Two Blondes were in a car and came to a fork in a road, and the sign said Disneyland left.
So they turned around and went home.
3 How do you know when a blonde's been sending e-mail?
Envelopes in the disk drive.
4 How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her a blonde joke.
5 Why don't Blondes make good cattle ranchers?
They can't keep their calves together.
What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.
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