A World War II pilot is reminiscing before school children about his days in the air force. "In 1942," he says, "the situation was really tough. The Germans had a very strong air force. I remember," he continues, "one day I was protecting our bombers and suddenly, out of the clouds, these fokkers appeared. At this point, several of the children giggle. "I looked up, and right above me was one of them. I aimed at him and shot him down. They were swarming. I immediately realized that there was another fokker behind me." At hearing the pilot go on, the girls in the auditorium start to giggle and boys start to laugh. The teacher stands up and says, "I think I should point out that 'Fokker' wa

These two fleas are sitting in Florida. One is shivering like crazy, saying "that has got to be the coldest ride I have ever had in my life!" "How did you get here?" asks the other flea. "I was in the moustache of some guy riding his motorcycle down the freeway." "That is no way to travel to Florida" says the flea."Here is what you do. Go to the airport and find a lounge. Have a sip of someone's drink so you are relaxed. Find a really pretty girl and crawl up her leg and under her dress.G o inside her panties and you will find a nice warm place to curl up and fall asleep. The next thing you know,you are in Florida!! Remember that for next time.We will get together next year and you can t

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

There once was this kid named Oddy, He always missed the Potty, He went some poops, and shouted out oops, Because Oddy Missed the Potty

This will warm your heart, just when you have lost faith in human kindness.... Dear Safety Harbor Middle School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.

See if you can do this: Read each line aloud This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is dumbass cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top.

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying. She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!" Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a tortoise? A: The blond is better on her back than the tortoise.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Sam: "Where have I seen your face before?" Pam: "Right where it is now."

Make love, not war. Hell, do both GET MARRIED!