Popular Jokes
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all in a red ferari speeding down a country road being chased by a squad car.
They try to lose him by darting into a forest behind a farm.
The trio ditch the car and decide to each hide in three burlap sacs on the ground.
The cop who was really close on their tail went up to each sac.
The cop kicked the first sac and the brunette inside said;
"Woof woof"
"Oh it's just a dog."
Then he kicked the second sac,
Inside that sack the redhead said;
"Meow Meow"
"Oh, it's just a kitten.
Then the cop went up to the third sac with the blonde inside and kicked it
The blonde said
"Potato potato"
Why doesn't a blonde talk during sex?
Because her mother told her never to talk to strangers.
Two atoms are walking down the street when one atom says to the other, "I think I lost an electron."
The other atom says "Are you sure?"
"Yeah I'm positive!"
A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy,"
she yelled, "we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping ho
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female inpersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing
It's your first time. As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for awhile searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but
he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-- he's done this many times before. His cool
smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain a
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful teenage daughters and decided to try one last time for a son. After months, the wife finally got pregnant and after nine months, bore a healthy baby boy. The elated father rushed to the nursery to check on his infant. He was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever saw.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered." Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife smiled sweetly, "Not this time..."
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