Popular Jokes
Two men were talking.
"So, how's your sex life?"
"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."
"Social Security sex?"
"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
Once there were twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat. It so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank.
A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."
Joe thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Hell no, in fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked l
One time there were three guys sitting at a bar. One was stupid, one was pretty smart, and the third was very intelligent. Well, they were sitting at the bar and the pretty smart one says that they should go on a deer hunt.
"I'll go first," says the smart one. Later the man comes back with a big deer. The two other men ask how he got such a deer. "I just followed some tracks, kept on going, then BAM! I found my self a deer!" says the man. So the pretty smart one goes after that. He comes back later and the two men still at the bar asked how he got the deer. He replies the same way the smart man replied. Next goes the stupid one. About thirty minutes passed and he came back looking beat up.
Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to put their feet.
One weekend, a couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow! Please move your car to the even numbered side of the street so that the street sweepers can come through!"
So the wife goes out and moves her car.
The next weekend, the couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow! Please move your car to the odd numbered side of the street so that the street sweepers can come through!"
So the wife goes out and moves her car.
The next weekend, the couple were having breakfast when the radio suddenly blared, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow! Please move your car to the-"
And sudde
A teacher decides to have Career Day in her class. She asks each student to tell the class what their father's job is, spell it, and then explain what they do.
Mary stands up and says, "My father is a policeman. P -O-L-I-C-E-M-A-N. He puts bad people in jail and keeps us all safe."
Sue stands up next and says, "My father is a doctor. D-O-C-T-O-R. He helps sick people get better."
Bobby is next. He stands up and says, "My father is a pharmacist. F...F-R..."
The teacher tells Bobby to sit down and try to figure it out and moves on to the next kid.
Johnny stands up next and says, "My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E. He'd give you 10-1 odds that Bobby is never going to spell 'pharmac
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor
without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC
Topper)
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how
long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all, as it has already been built. (UPSC
23 Rank Opted for IFS)
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand
and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for
IPS)
A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and she was mad.
Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."
Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."
Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"
Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."
The mom said "ok", and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.
Mom : "Now what do I do?"
Son : "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some friggin ice cream."
LADY TO BEGGAR- Why don't you get a job?
BEGGAR- Actually, I'm an author. I once wrote a book entitled "One Hundred Ways to Make Money."
LADY- Well then why are you begging?
BEGGAR- It's one of my ways...
This joke is kind of dated but it's still funny.
Al Gore, Bill, Hilary, and Chelsea Clinton were all riding in the Airforce One. Out of the blue Gore says, "I could throw a hundred, one dollar bills out the window and make a hundred people happy." Bill says, "Well I could throw ten, ten dollar bills out the window, and make ten people very happy." Hilary, not wanting to be left out, says "Well I could throw one, one hundred dollar bill out the window and make one person extremely happy." Chelsea rolled her eyes and said "Well i could throw all three of you out the window and make the whole nation happy!"
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