*The Poopie List* GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet. CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains. SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more. POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke. LINCO

Yo momma is so dumb when she got locked in the matress king she slept on the floor

A murderer was secured to the electric chair, about to be executed. The chaplain approached him and asked, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"

Knock-knock Who's there? Boo! Boo who? Don't cry it's just a joke

A pirate walks into a bar and has a seat. The bartender notices the pirates peg-leg, eyepatch and hook for a hand. The bartender and the pirate start talking and the bartender casually slips in the question of how the pirate lost his leg. The pirate says, "I fell overboard and a shark bit my leg off." They talk more and the bartender asks how the pirate got the hook. The pirate says, "We were boarded by enemy pirates and they cut off my hand before running away. They talk some more and the bartender finally asks how the pirate got his eyepatch. The pirate said, "A seagull crapped in my eye." The bartender says, "Wow! You lost your eye to seagull poo in your eye?" The pirate says, "Well no...

20. The cucumber has left the salad. 19. I can see the gun of Navarone. 18. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out. 17. You've got Windows in your laptop. 16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave. 15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now. 14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell. 13. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson... 12. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 11. Your pod bay door is open, Hal. 10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building! 9. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod. 8. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir! 7. The Buick is not all the way in

What do you call an intelligent blonde? A Golden Retriever

You are so stupid you tripped over a cordless phone! You are so stupid you got locked in a furniture store and sat on the floor! You are so stupid you didn't know how to swim so you got in the fish tank to try and learn!

Did you hear about the new dictionary for masochists? It has all the words, but they're not in alphabetical order.

My college doesn't allow pets in my dorm, so when I got a kitten I had the guys in my dorm refer to him as "the Book" to avoid suspicion. One morning, as I carried the kitten out to my car in a crate, my girlfriend stopped me and asked, "where are you taking the Book?" "She's getting Spayed today," I said. "Hmm..." she said. "I guess that means no sequels!"

You're so fat, when you went outside wearing a yellow dress everybody called "TAXI"

What kind of soup do you order at a gay Chinese resturant? Cream of Yungi (Cream of Young Guy)