A pilot's flying a small, single-engined charter plane with a couple of really important execs on board. He's coming into Seattle airport, only there is thick fog, less than 10ft of visibility, and his instruments are out. So he circles around looking for a landmark. After an hour or so, he's pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. At last, in a small opening in the fog, he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around and winds down the window and shouts to the guy, "Hi! Where am I?", to which the solitary office worker replies, "You're in a plane". The pilot winds up the window, executes a 275 degree turn and p

There once was a President who had a law that evryone had to laugh once a hour or they spent an hour in jail.

A dog goes up to a man with a pizza and starts whining for some. Man to Owner: Can I throw him a bit? Owner smiles proudly: Yes. The man picks up the dog and throws him on the ground.

Yo momma's breath smells so bad, her teeth duck when she yawns!

A couple who is having problems in their marriage decide to go on a talk show. The wife complains that her husband does not listen to her and is ungrateful. She blames this on her husband's career. The host asks the man, "Has being in politics had any affect on your sex life?" Bill Clinton replies, "Mine's great, how's yours honey?"

How many Wocka users does it take to change a lightbulb? A: All of 'em. One to hold the lightbulb and the rest to argue if this is funny or not.

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The bartender turns to them, takes one look, and says "What is this - some kind of joke?"

Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Granny. Granny who? Knock knock. Who's there? Aunt. Aunt who? Aren't you glad you got rid of all those grannies?

Yo momma's like Geico: so easy a caveman could do it.

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student aide, Sam found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need Sam's help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let Sam wheel him to the elevator. On the way down Sam asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She is till upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde all apply for the same job. The manager says, "I can only hire one of you so I'm going to ask you each a question and whoever answers it correctly gets the job." He takes the brunette into the room and asks her, "How many D's in Indiana Jones?" She replies, "One." He brings the redhead into the room and asks her the same question. She thinks for a moment and says, "One." He then brings the blonde into the room and asks her the same question; "How many D's in Indiana Jones?" She thinks for a little. She counts on her fingers, counts on her toes, wiggles her ears, sticks out her tongue and finally comes up with, "Thirty Six." The rest of them ask her, "Ho

(Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt and some rubber-hand work gloves on.) Me: *walks out of the cooler* Customer: "Are you f***ing insane? It's freezing in there. Me: "I don't mind it." Customer: "That's bulls***! You know it's cold. Why would you lie to me?" Me: "Excuse me? I'm pretty sure I know my own tolerance and I'm working so I get a bit warm, even in there." Customer: "WARM!? In a COOLER!? You're a G**D*** LIAR! How can you be WARM in THERE!" Me: "I'm Canadian, and ever since my igloo melted I only feel at home in there." Customer: "Oh, I didn't know. I'm sorry for your loss."