One day two robins walked along the road, planning their day. Robin #1:Oh my god, we totally have to get some bronzing oil! Robin #2:Duh, I mean if are going to spend the whole day at the beach we totally have to! That day while the robins were tanning on the beach a big bad fox came along. He took one look at them and said: Fox:Mmmm, I love Baskin' Robins!

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

A car breaks down along the highway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in long black trench coats. The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to all the oncoming traffic. This results in one of the worst pile-ups. When the police questioned him why he put two deviates along the side of the road, the man replied, "I broke down and was just using my emergency flashers!"

When the river runs red Take the dirt road instead!

Little Johnny's Joke Little Johnny was sitting on his backyard swing set with some of his sixth grade schoolmates one Saturday when they started to tell some jokes to each other. Little Susie started off by saying, "Knock, knock?" Everyone answered, "Who's there?" Susie says, "Boo!" Everyone replied, "Boo who?" To which Susie said, "Why are you all crying?" and everyone broke out laughing. At this point, Little Johnny got up and started into his joke, "Hey, did you all hear about the prostitute who got fingered by Captain Hook?" Immediately, Little Johnny's mother, who was nearby watering the roses and had heard Little Johnny start off, came rushing over and shouted, "Alright Little J

A man hated the Trojans. He loved USC. Why? He hated using Trojan condoms. He wanted to have sex the o'natural way.

How many Jews can you fit in a Volkswagen? --------------------- 54. Two in the front, two in the back, and fifty in the ashtray. What is the difference between a large pizza and a Jew? --------------------- The large pizza won't scream when you put it in the oven.

Knock-Knock Who's There. Pick up. Pick up Who? Pick up your truck and I'll grab the money.

Three roommates: a blonde, brunette, and redhead all go out on dates one night. When they get back in the blonde says, "You know you've been on a good date when your make-up is all smeared!" The brunette says, "No, no, you know you've been on a good date when you come home and your hair is all messed up." The redhead doesn't say anything she just reaches up under her skirt, pulls off her panties, and throws them against the wall, where they stick, and says, "NOW THAT'S A GOOD DATE!!"

As the Broadway showgirls were dressing for a performance, one of them noticed her friend was no longer sporting a flashy engagement ring. "What happened, Lily?" she asked, pointing to the bare finger. "The wedding off?" "Yeah," Lily admitted. "I saw him in a bathing suit last week, and he looked so different without his wallet."

Battle Where a whole lot of white men kill a few Indians. Massacre Where a whole lot of Indians kill a few white men.

You might be a redneck if... You're 42 and still have clowns come to your birthday party.