How are opera singers and sailors alike? They both have to handle the high seas(Cs)!

What do you get if you cross a rhino and and elephant? Elepf-ino (pronounced "Hell if I know")

TEACHER : There is a frog, ship is sinking, potatoes cost $10/kg, then what is my age? STUDENT : 32 yrs! TEACHER : How do you know? STUDENT : Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter. Mother: "What does the cow say?" Child: "Moo!" Mother: "Great! What does the cat say?" Child: "Meow." Mother: "Oh, you're so smart! What does the frog say?" And this wide-eyed little 3 year-old looked up at her mother and in her deepest voice replied, "Bud."

I went to Google Translater to write something to my friend in German. I typed in English: Hey there! I am bored. What do you want to do? It came out in German: Hey dort! ich werde gebohrt, was Sie tun möchten? If I translate it back into English, it comes out: Hey there! I am bored, which you would like to do? I don't want to do anyone!

A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked. "Yes, I am." The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth." He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?" "Yes, I am," she said. "Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said. He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?" "Yes, I am," his father answered. The baby motioned him to come closer, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times, saying, "I want you to know that THAT HURTS!"

What did the fish say when he crashed into a wooden wall? Beaver damn!

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry, we still have one engine left." A young blonde passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one m

WARNING= SOME PEOPLE MAY FIND THIS JOKE A BIT RACIST OR OFFENSIVE. I MEAN NO OFFENCE TO ANYBODY WHO READS THIS. Q: How do you start a rush hour in Bangladesh? A: Roll a penny down the street!

Yo momma's so fat that small things orbit her!

Father Sullivan was ministering to a man on his deathbed. "Renounce Satan!" yelled Father Sullivan. "No," said the dying man. "I say, renounce the devil and his works!" "No," the man repeats. "And why, in the name of all that is holy, not?" asks Father Sullivan. "Because," said the dying man, "I want to wait until I see where I'm heading before I start annoying anybody."

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold." At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?" The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name..."