Freddy:May I please use the telephone for a while? Lady Flora:Yes, you may. Then Freddy saw a poster of Jollibee. There it says that the only telephone number you may dial in Rhode Island if you want to talk to them is: 626-999-626. Freddy called that number. Freddy:626-999-626. Jollibe Customer Service:Hello, Jollibee customer service here. What do you want to order. Freddy: One piece Chicken McDonalds and any coffee by Figaro please. Then Freddy ran away because he was afraid what the customer service will say.

A rabbi once asked his old friend, a priest, "Could you ever be promoted within your Church?" The priest says, thoughtfully, "Well, I could become a bishop." The rabbi persists, "And after that?" With a pause for consideration, the priest replies, "Maybe I could be a cardinal, even." "And then?" After thinking for some time, the priest responds, "Someday I may even rise to be the Pope." But the rabbi is still not satisfied. "And then?" With an air of incredulity, the priest cries, "What more could I become? God Himself?" The rabbi says quietly, "One of our boys made it."

Lenin coined a slogan on how to achieve the state of communism through rule by the Communist Party and modernization of the Russian industry and agriculture: "Communism is Soviet power plus electrification of the whole country!" The slogan was subject to popular mathematical scrutiny: "Consequently, Soviet power is communism minus electrification, and electrification is communism minus Soviet power."

Two hillbillies just come out of a divorce court. The ex-wife is crying her eyes out. Her ex-husband comes over and says: "There, there Missy, you're still my sister!"

How many blondes does it take to put in a light bulb? 1000. 1 to screw in the light bulb; 1 to give the light bulb to the person who'll screw in a light bulb and 998 to find the light bulb.

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied,"they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night." "Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?" "Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes."

My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is.

A blonde walks into a casino and goes up to the craps table. She tells the dealers she wants to bet $10 000 on a single roll of the dice. The dealers figure that since shes a blonde, she must not know what shes doing, so they allow her to place the bet. Then the blonde starts to strip. The dealers ask her what shes doing and she replies, "I'm luckier when I'm naked. Hope ya don't mind." So she rolls the dice and jumps up and down screaming, "I WON! I WON! YAY!" She hugs the dealers and picks up her chips and clothes and jumps excitedly away. While enjoying the view of the blonde jumping away, the second dealer leans over and whispers to the first dealer, "What'd she roll?" The first dealer

Have you ever wondered..... Why Most homes have lots of windows in the house, how ever, more than half of them are usually covered up with blinds so people can't see you. If blind people can still see kindness in a person. Would they still have the same motto " No Shirt, No pants, No service" in a porn shop. Why on "children's tylonnel" they put " Do not drive right after you have taken this". Why Many packaged peanut bags will say " May contain traces of peanuts" on them? Will you be smarter if you eat smarties( canadian candy) Will you be dumber if you lift dumb bells AND FINALLY..... Will you be able to figure out how long you slept if you bring a ruler to bed with you?

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing, fit to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, if the man returns, to follow him. Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns. "So did you follow him?" "Yes, I did." "And...where did he go?" "Over to your house..."

Q: What's black, blue, brown and laying in a ditch? A: A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes.