Popular Jokes
Dad: Son what is the difference a penis and a loaf of bread?
Son: I don't know.
Dad: Then remind me to never send you to the store for a loaf of bread.
Q: Imagine you are stuck in a cell, no windows, no doors pretty much nothing. How do you get out?
A: -Stop imagining!-
These four guys were walking down the street; a Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean, and a New Yorker.
A reporter comes running up and says, "Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?"
The Saudi says, "What's 'shortage'?"
The Russian says, "What's 'meat'?"
The North Korean says, "What's 'opinion'?"
The New Yorker, says, "'Excuse me'? What's 'excuse me'?"
The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of
A young boy called to his mother from the yard, "Mom, would you rather me fall out of a tree and break my arm or just tear a hole in my Sunday slacks?" "Well," she replied, "I guess I'd pray that you just ripped your pants." The kid yells back, "Your prayers have been answered!"
A judge scowled down at a repeat offender before him. "Haven't I seen you in here many times already? And didn't I tell you that I never wanted to see you in here again?"
"Yes, Your Honor," the defendant replied. "That's exactly what I told the police officer, but he insisted I come in anyway!"
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?"
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."
Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your ..."
Customer: "Halloo, can I order?"
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh ..., hold on ... 698-45-54610 ..."
Operator : "OK... you're ... Mr Steven Huckleberry and you're calling from 17 Retief Str. Your home number is 4094 2366, your office 7645 2302 and your mobile is 082 266 2566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?"
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir."
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir."
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical
A good-looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO
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