Popular Jokes
A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his work was done, he emerged in the middle of a preschool playground.
"I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted.
"So what," said a little girl. "I'm four."
A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George's two friends, Joe and Al.
Joe: "He's burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over." Joe looked at the dead man's buttocks and said, "Nope, that ain't George."
Thinking the incident strange, the mortician straightened up the body and said nothing. He brought in Al.
Al: "Wow, he's burnt to a crisp. Roll him over." Again, "Nope, that ain't George."
Mortician: "How can you tell?"
Al: "George had two assholes."
Mortician: "What? How could he have two assholes?"
Al: "Everybody knew Georg
Q: How can you tell when a blonde has been driving your car?
A: There is lipstick on the steering wheel from her blowing the horn.
Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her class. It was the beginning of the new school year. Mrs. Flebs said, "Okay class, we're going to go around the room and have everybody say a sentence. We'll start with Sarah."
Sarah said, "Cows have spots."
Terrence said, ''Baseball is a sport."
Carla said, "Computers are electronic."
Bobby said, "Urinate."
Mrs. Flebs said, "Bobby, urinate is a word, not a sentence."
Bobby said, "Not urinate, it's you're an eight. And if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten."
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain that's the size of my computer screen". The surprised salesman replies: "But, madam, computers do not need curtains...."
And the blonde said:
"Helloooo.... I've got Windows!"
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!)
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. "Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets." The p
THE CLINTON Virus...(Gives you a 7-Inch Hard Drive with NO memory.)
THE BOB DOLE (AKA: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer,
then emails your best friends about what it did).
THE RONALD REAGAN virus...(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus...(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus... (Your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200.)
THE JACK KEVORKIAN virus...(Deletes all old files)
THE PROZAC virus...(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...(Only attacks min
Just think, if it weren't for marriage,
men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
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