I went to Google Translater to write something to my friend in German. I typed in English: Hey there! I am bored. What do you want to do? It came out in German: Hey dort! ich werde gebohrt, was Sie tun möchten? If I translate it back into English, it comes out: Hey there! I am bored, which you would like to do? I don't want to do anyone!

The other day I went to a zoo, but the only animal there was a dog. It was a shihtzu.

Yo momma is so short, she stepped in a puddle and drowned.

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four". Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return. This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!". Again, there's a bright flash... and then his legs fall off!

Yo momma so skinny, when it's pouring outside, she can dodge the raindrops

Bill had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" Five small voices answered in unison: "Okay, Dad, you get the toy."

Knock Knock! Who's there? Moo, moo, who. Moo, moo, who, who? Well, make up your mind, are you a cow or an owl?

Q: Which sea animal is very grumpy? A: The crab!

In the middle ages, the monks were only allowed to talk once every year to the priest. They were only allowed two words to say. One year, when a new monk came, the priest told him of this and the monk agreed. After the first year, the monk said in a sad voice, "Bed hard." The priest frowned at him and ushered him away. The next year the poor monk said in a sad voice, "Food cold." The priest scowled at him and told him to go away back to work. The next year the monk said in a sad voice, "Quit job." The priest suddenly shouted, "Finally! You've been here three years and all you've done is complain!"

How come when you mix water and flour together you get glue?.. and then you add eggs and sugar... and you get cake? Where did the glue go ? NEED AN ANSWER? You know darned well where it went! That's what makes the cake Stick to your BUTT Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle). We all need a good laugh - keep on smilin'

The three stages of sex in marriage: Tri-weekly, Try-weekly, Try-weakly.

Three men walked into a bar. They died