"Comrade Andropov is the most turned on man in Moscow!" "Comrade Andropov is sure to light up any discussion!" "Why did Brezhnev go abroad, and Andropov did not? Because Brezhnev ran on batteries, but Andropov needed an outlet." (Reference to Brezhnev's pacemaker and Andropov's dialysis machine).

1. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches. 2. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number. 3. If you know how to say Matanuska, Tokositna, Kichatna, Oshetna, Bodenburg and Muktuk. 4. If you think that ketchup is one of the seven main food groups. 5. If your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a motor home on the highway. 6. If your whole family wears mukluks to church on Sunday. 7. If you see people wearing camouflage at social events - including weddings and funerals.

Hey! Football team! Get off the band field!

What do you call a short psychic on the lam? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A small medium at large!

There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all the states and capitals. That night when he got home he told his joke. She says, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me." He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachusetts?" She quickly replied, "M."

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

Yo mama is so fat, when she got on the scale it said To be Continued!

A blonde was standing in front of a vending machine. She put in a dollar, pushed a button and a coke came out. She put in another dollar, pushed a different button and an iced tea came out. The blonde kept doing this, until the man behind her became impatient. "Excuse me, can I just get a drink, THEN you can continue whatever you're doing???" "No way!" exclaimed the blonde. "I'm not giving up this machine when I'm winning!"

Yo Momma is so big that when pirates see her they say, "LAND HO!"

Can you go skinny dippin' if you're fat? Is it possible to fight on a luv seat? If you drink tap water can you tap dance? by:lilpapa92

A blonde and brunette jump off a cliff at the same time. Why did the brunette hit the floor before the blonde? The blonde asked for directions!