Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you fell from heaven. Girl: Aww, did it hurt when you got kicked out of hell? Boy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. Girl: Really? If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put F and U together.

Did you hear Bill Clinton gave up playing his sax-a-phone? He now plays his whore-monica.

What is Bill's definition of safe sex? When Hillary is out of town.

A hiker gets lost in the woods and spends the next two days wandering around with no food. Finally, he spots a bald eagle on a ledge, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw. A park ranger stumbles on the scene and arrests the hiker for killing an endangered species. In court the hiker explains that he was on the edge of starvation and had no choice. "Considering the circumstances, I find you not guilty," says the judge. "But I have to ask—what did the eagle taste like?" "Well, your honor," the hiker says, "it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and a spotted owl."

Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof? A. More leg-room! Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators? A. They chip their teeth. Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? A. Fertilized. Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering? A. More headroom. Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob? A. Because everyone gets a turn. Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball. Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets! Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A. Frosted Flakes. Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A. An airbag. Q. How can you tell

Why was everyone at the fancy King Crab Night Diner arrested? They were breaking the claw! So punny!

Once i bought a squirrel and I named it Melinda, and then I gave it food and then it died! Now I have a box named Joice Ann and I gave it some water and it fell down and then it died!

when your mom whent to China people would say "Run it's Godzilla!"

You may be a redneck if your burglar alarm is a vacuum cleaner plugged into a motion detector.

One day at class, Mrs. Stryo has a storytelling contest. She tells the class that the boy or girl with the best story will get a bag of candy. Jay, a clever boy, thinks of a story. "One day, there is a storm." He begins. "Someone's house gets ripped apart by this storm, leaving furniture scattered on the ground." "One old man survives this storm. He trys to rebuild the house that was torn apart." "He almost suceeds. Three months later, after spending all of his money trying to rebuild the house, another storm comes and rips it apart again. Everything is scattered around again." "So that man trys again to build a house. Six months later, he spends a further few hundred dollars building u

Q - Why is there a big "E" on top of the standard eye chart at the optometrist's office? A - The reason is if there was a big "O" on the chart women would lie about seeing it.

Yo momma so fat and stupid that I told her to show me a pushup and she brought me one from the Ice Cream Man.