Popular Jokes
Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and the police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?"
The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm sorry."
Hearing this, the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters:
"Will it take ME?"
A guy walks past a mental hospital and hears a moaning voice "13.......13.......13.........13" the man looked over to the hospital and saw a hole in the wall, he looked through the hole and gets poked in the eye. The moaning voice then groaned '14.........14.........14.......14.'
On the first day of their Honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."
Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"
Joe's grandfather left him ten million dollars, and the next week Denise agreed to marry him.
After three months of married life, Joe noticed that his beautiful new wife was ignoring him more and more. On the rare occasion that she would go to bed with him, she would be indifferent, or even worse, called out other men's names!
Whenever they went out in public, she ignored him and flirted with other men. Finally, he decided to confront her.
"Denise" he said, "was the only reason you married me was because my grandfather left me ten million dollars when he died?"
"Don't be ridiculous," she replied, "I don't care who gave you the money!"
One day, this man, Tony, died. When he was sent to be judged, he was told that he had committed a sin, and that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it. Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven, so off he went with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy.
As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he was with. When he approached Carlos he asked him what was going on, and Carl
Two sisters are new arrivals at the pearly gates and are comparing stories on how they died.
1st sister: "I froze to death."
2nd sister: "How horrible!"
1st sister: "It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?"
2nd sister: "I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV."
1st Sister: "So what happened? Tell me."
2nd sister: "I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and sea
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
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