Popular Jokes
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north, and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Wi
My friend and I were in a record store to buy a 45-speed record of his favourite song. After he located it, he realized that he had forgotten his wallet. Instead of going out and getting his wallet, he decided to get a five-finger discount (shoplift) so he put it down his pants.
Well, as we were leaving the store, the cashier stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but is that a record in your pants?"
To this he responded, "It may not be a record, but I'm mighty proud of it."
Post Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans residents are challenged often with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, often making it quite difficult to establish ownership.
Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the Federal Housing Administration (FHA) on behalf of a client that was absolutely priceless!
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted, if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, whic
"You know 'that look' women get when they want sex? Me neither." ~ Steve Martin
"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." ~ Woody Allen
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." ~ Rodney Dangerfield
"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." ~ Billy Crystal
"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." ~ Tom Clancy
"Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a
Microsoft's new "Cool User" Program
REDMOND, WASHINGTON - In order to calm growing impatience among PC users concerning the repeated delays of its new Windows 95 operating system, Microsoft Corporation announced what it cal ls the "Cool User Program for Windows 95." To participate in this offer, a user pays US$10,000 at which time he or she will be placed in a cryogenic suspension. The user will then remain in a state of hibernation until about a week before the Windows 95 ship date.
"We expect that the users will need a few days to recuperate and acquaint themselves with the changes that will occur in society between the onset of cold sleep and the release of Windows 95," explained a Micr
A guy is sitting with a woman at a bar late at night and they are flirting with each other. The lady tells him all about herself and the man sits there listening. After she is done, the man repeats what she said.
"So, you're a 20 year old college graduate from Harvard, a famous fashion model, you love video games and football, you like to do housework, you never complain, you don't own a cell phone, you're a virgin, your parents are dead and they left you loads of money, you have perfect teeth, shiny and smooth hair, no wrinkles or blemishes, you have 2% body fat, you're always willing to have sex, your brother is Peyton Manning, you have a hot bi-sexual roommate, and a 3 story house". She
Jack and Joe are in a diner where there's a computer who gives advice to the people in the diner. Jack starts talking about how the two are going to graduate from high school when a young boy walks in. He explains his problem to the computer, which gladly offers him advice. The boy walks out happily.
The computer comes over to Jack and Joe. Joe asks, "Hey, how come you never help us with our problems?"
The computer answers, "I'm just a computer. I'm not a miracle maker."
Q. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. The same as the number of men, you sexist bastard!
How many lightbulbs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
0. No lightbulbs want to torture their own kind!
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