Popular Jokes
Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from her mouth before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass.
Week 1 - Memo No. 1
Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.
Week 3 - Memo No. 2
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
Week 6 - Memo No. 3
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
Week 8 - Memo No. 4
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.
Week 9 - Memo No. 5
As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member
One day Billy is pulling some bottles to the recycling plant in his wagon to get some spending money, he is cursing up a storm while he is pulling the wagon.
He comes around a corner and sees Jenny standing on the path in front of him.
"Billy you shouldn't swear like that!"
"Why the hell not?"
"Because God will hear you" Jenny replies.
"So what if he does" Billy replies.
"Well if God hears you swearing you will go to hell." Jenny explains.
"Well He can't hear me. He is not here!"
"Yes He can hear you Billy. God is everywhere!"
Billy thinks a minute than says, "You mean to say God is under that tree over there right now?"
"Yes Billy He is there, but you can't see him because He is invisib
Why don't niggers like dirt bikes?
Because when it starts, it says: "Run nigga nigga run."
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said, "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied, "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
Brothers Mike and Seamus O'Malley are the two richest men in town, and also the two meanest, foulest bad guys for many miles around. They would cheat and swindle anyone that they could.
One day Seamus dies, and Mike goes to the priest.
"Father," he says, "my good name will be upheld in this town. You will give the eulogy for my brother and in that eulogy, you are going to say 'Seamus O'Malley was truly a saint'."
"I will do no such a thing," says the priest. "It would be a lie."
"I know that you will," says Mike. "I hold the mortgage on the parish school, and if you don't say those words, I'll foreclose."
The priest is in a dilemma. "And if I pledge to say those words," he says, "you'll sig
"I finally got my boss to laugh," said one friend to another after work.
"Oh, how?"
"I asked for a raise!"
A soldier had lost his bayonet and whittled one from wood so he could stand inspection. He was hoping not to be discovered until the regiment had gone into battle where he could pick up one from a dead soldier. At an inspection, an officer asked to see his bayonet. The soldier stated, "Sir, I promised my father I would never unsheathe my bayonet unless I intended to kill with it." The officer insisted he hand over the bayonet. Taking it out, the soldier looked skyward and declared, "May the Lord change this bayonet to wood for breaking my vow."
3 men sell their bodies to science, for an exsperiment on a new military weapon to scare enemy soldiers by turning them into the enemies idea of the most scary, repulsive idea possible temporarily. The first man has his wife looking at him, drinks the chemical, and turns into a half-fish half-octopus with fur. The second guy has his therapist looking at him, and turns into a giant bald hamster with a snake head. The third guy has his girlfriend looking at him, he drinks the chemical. Nothing happens.
A man worked hard all day digging the garden and felt very stiff and sore.
His wife fluttered about him, pleased with the amount of work he had done and anxious to get him to do some more.
"Have a nice soak in the bath and I'll bring you a drink," she suggested smiling.
"Good idea," says the husband looking forward to being waited on.
He's in the bath when she comes in with a nice glass of Scotch which he accepts happily.
"If there's anything else you'd like just call," says the wife as she leaves the bathroom.
When she got halfway along the landing the husband relaxes completely and lets off an enormous long fart in the bath.
A few minutes later, despite it being a very warm Summer's
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