Flea: (noun) a small, wingless, bloodsucking parasite (see also) a. Brother-in-law b. lawyer c. politician

Q: Why do people have small dogs? A: So they can carry them in their bags, and when the person farts, they can blame it on the dog.

You are a redneck if: you've shaved off your eyebrows and taped them to a little kid's back.

You are a redneck if: you've ever dislodged a sunflower seed from the corner of your eye.

Best Friend to Former Fat Guy: Hey man, you're looking good. Looks like you lost lots of pounds. Any secrets? Former Fat Guy: Eating dates. Best Friend: Oh yeah? I've read that compared to other foods, dates have the highest anti-oxidant values. How much and how many times a week do you eat dates? Former Fat Guy: Oh just one date every week-end. I eat first before I fuck.

Some old school insults for yall... You depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. So dumb you couldnt hold water in a bucket. Happiness: seeing your picture on a milk carton. Your mouth rarely makes calls to the brain. Missing a layer of insulation in your attic. You're so fat, when you turn around people throw you a welcome back party. You're so fat, you have to put a belt on with a boomerang. You're so slow, you have to speed up to stop. You're so fat, when you go to the zoo elephants throw peanuts at you. The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr. Brain has long since departed. The cheese slid off his cracker. Alright, I'm gonna save the rest.

Dick and Jane were arguing over the breakfast table. "Oh you're so stupid!" shouted Dick. "Dick!" said their father, "That is enough! Now say you're sorry!" "Okay," said Dick, "I am sorry you're stupid."

knock-knock who's there? duck duck who? duck I just threw a frisby at you!!

What do starving Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? They are both living off dead Beatles.

You might be a redneck if your toenail clippers say craftsman on the side!

You might be a redneck if you've ever watched a tornado from a lawn chair.

Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One War Dims Hope for Peace Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge Deer Kill 17,000 Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft Kids Make Nutritious Snacks