A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is, because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"

Oscar got to the broken down inn and asked for a room. "I have only one room left," said the innkeeper, "But before I give it to you, I must tell you that room is where the white-eyed ghost lives." Oscar wasn't worried. "I'll take the room," he said, "I'm not afraid of ghosts." That night, when Oscar went to bed, a scary voice said, "Boooo! I am the white-eyed ghost...." "Shut up!" Oscar said, "i'm tired!" "Boooooo" the ghost said again, "I am the white-eyed ghost!" Oscar sat up, reached over, picked up a chair and threw it at the ghost, who disappeared. Oscar lay down again and shut his eyes. "Boooooo!" moaned the voice from the darkness, "I am the black-eyed ghost...."

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that, and what are you praying for?"The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home, have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth." The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and

Q: Why did the turtle cross the road? A:To get to the shell gas station!

Yo Momma is so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "Okay!"

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Knock Knock Who's there? Candy Candy who? Candy have some sweets? Please!

Barbie Dolls Inc. announces the release of models of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the California market. Rancho Santa Fe Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Saks Fifth Avenue. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a mansion. Options include tummy tuck, face lift and a workaholic Ken. Poway Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit. National City Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a low-rider Chevr

One bright day in the middle of the night, 2 dead boys got up to fight back to back they faced each other, drew their knives, and shot each other. a deaf policeman heard the noise, and came to kill those two dead boys. if you don't believe my stories true, ask the blind guy, he saw it to!

Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them. Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? A: You pick it up pull the pin & throw it back. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer? A: The joystick is wet. Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A: Pick them up off the floor. Q: Why don't blonds play frisbee? A: It hurts their teeth. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted! Q: How do blonde braincells die ? A: Alone. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: How di

When I walk the dogs, I take a handful of black plastic bags, since the local council requires us to 'clear up after our dogs' or face a stiff fine. This being the wild blackberry season, I use a spare (clean!) one to hold the blackberries I pick on the way. Coming off the hill, I passed an American visitor, who said something, looking at the bulging bag. "I'm taking them home for supper - they're delicious with cream," I said. She turned white. Some minutes later I worked out that she had said that the dog-waste bin was just round the corner. If I see her again, I must invite her to supper.